FINDING ANGELA FERELLI - FINDING JANET MEADOWS
by cancellationbedammed
Summary: Part One Finding Angela Ferelli is complete...Part Two is called Finding Janet Meadows. I hope you guys like the new chapters, doing something a little different. This is actually inspired by something that is happening to someone I know. Let me know your thoughts...
1. Chapter 1

I didn't really want to start another story until I finished Perfectly Imperfect (which is drafted but needs tweaking to bring it all together they way I see it in my head) but I had this idea, after watching Stand Alone By Me, on a long car ride this weekend and boom I wrote a chapter. This is going to be the last new story for a while (I don't want to confuse the storylines), but I couldn't get the idea out of my head. I hope you guys like it. It's a different writing style for me, less dialogue more narrative. You guys know I love my dialogue, lol but I needed to try something new. Please review if you want to see more. xoxo CBD

* * *

It had been nearly a year since that horrible day when Eddie and Rory kissed on the porch and Janet had drunken sex with Rooster. A year since Eddie verbally tore her apart in his hospital room, his words cutting her to the core, causing her to flee in tears. In all that time Janet had made one single attempt to explain her side of what happened. It was few day after Eddie got out of the hospital, he was there for just over a week, the longest one of his life, waiting for Janet to walk into his room, wishing she would come, but she never did. For the first few days he thought every footstep was hers, until finally he gave up hope. He wanted to call her, Owen had offered to bring her, make her come. But he just said no, that she would have to come back on her own, and warned Owen to keep out of it.

She couldn't take the separation from him, she needed to see him, make sure he was ok. The last time she time she had seen him, she was so badly beaten that she couldn't muster an image of him in her head without the bruises. She felt an overwhelming sense of guilt not only for Rooster but that fact that Matt and Eddie's first fight in the shop was about her even though Eddie wouldn't tell her what he said. Knowing that Eddie's beat down was Matt's form of ultimate payback. The only solace was Steve's assurance that he would be spending time in jail.

Janet had it all planned out in her head, what she was going to say and how she was going to say it, but it went horribly wrong and drove an even larger wedge between them. Eddie was heartbroken though he didn't dare admit it, not even to himself. He told his friends that had broken up and made it look like it was his kiss with Rory that was the instigating cause. He was too embarrassed to admit the real reason, Rooster. He could not imagine a world where his Janet, the only woman he ever really cared for could give herself to another man. Just the thought made him angry, crazy angry. The images of Janet in bed with Rooster playing over in his head like a bad pop song you couldn't escape. Torture, abject torture. He was grateful for his physical injuries, the pain was the only distraction from his thoughts of Janet. Her smile, her laugh, how she looked sleeping next to him in the morning. Her hair, her eyes, making love to her. He was grateful for the pain killers that helped him sleep, another needed refuge.

Janet was despondent, she took a few days off from work, unable to look at Rooster and ward off his advances. She was so grateful a week later when Rooster finally quit to work at the Johnson Inn, realizing that his friendship with the woman he loved since childhood was over. Realizing what he had done. Using her despair, her sadness, her drunken state to get want he wanted. He had loved her for years, always wishing she would see him the way he saw her. He hated himself for using her weakness to his advantage and hoping he could help her by leaving Sully's.

Janet thought about seeing Eddie all day, she had mustered up every ounce of energy and bravery she had, knocking on the door at 32 Gelson. She went to plead her case, tell her side of the story fully, to purge it from her brain. Not to save the tattered mess that was their relationship, she knew that was over and could never, ever be saved. Janet wasn't sure if she could ever forgive Eddie for his lies of omission and the part he played in that day, his unwillingness to admit he too was in the wrong. The ball he got rolling, that ended up with her knee walking drunk in bed with another man. He was so flip about his kiss with Rory, so arrogant, so sure he had done thing right thing because he stopped before it went to far, but he really didn't. It had gone too far the moment he decided to keep Janet in the dark about Rory's arrival. No, she didn't think their relationship could be saved but she had a small shred of hope that their friendship, something they had spent years building could be salvaged. The town too small for two people who couldn't stand to see one another, their friends too interwoven, their lives too intertwined.

Phil let her in, not really knowing what was going on between them, all he knew was that Eddie and Janet were in love and making each other miserable. Eddie was sitting in the sofa, watching the TV, he didn't realize it was Janet at the door until he caught a whiff of her perfume, vanilla and flowers. The scent brought him back to their first date, sitting next to her in his truck outside her house. He wanted to kiss her so badly, but something made him hold back. He felt different around her, and wanted to treat her differently so he gave her a kiss on the forehead, pushing his dirtier thoughts out of his mind. Just thinking about that moment, the moonlight on Janet's face, how she knew him so well, really knew him, for a brief moment he felt happy. His eyes locked with hers in the doorway, and his heart jumped, having her so close. She looked tried, sad, contrite. His first instinct was to hold her and tell her everything was going to be ok, that they could fix this mess but his mind reminded his heart that they were over and she was to blame. He asked Phil to leave, his voice full of anger and hostility. Phil wasn't sure if he should go, Janet seemed so fragile and Eddie so hell bent on breaking her, and himself, but he made his way upstairs to his room, hoping that they would work it out.

"What Janet? WHAT?" Janet stood there paralyzed, her mind flashing back to how Eddie treated her in the hospital not sure if she was ready to take another round, instantly regretting her decision to come. Everything that she wanted to say flew out of her mind, all that was left was a hum of sadness and utter confusion.

"I… uh… Just wanted to talk about what happened." She fiddled with the hem of her shirt, unable to look him in the eye. Eddie wanted to hear what she had to say, he wanted to understand how it happened. Why it happened. But his temper took over, his ego, his broken pride.

"What do you want to tell me what positions you did it in, or maybe how many times you came?" His voice was eerily calm and steady, almost indifferent and it made Janet's stomach turn. "Or maybe you want to tell me how happy you and Rooster are together?"

"Eddie, please it was not like that. Not by a long shot and Rooster and I…"

"Enough Janet!" He didn't want to hear the rest of a sentence that started with Rooster and I. "You had some stones to show up here, I will give you that. But you and me, are over. Done. I don't need to talk to you about a damn thing. So get the hell out of my house!" Eddie stood abruptly, wincing at the pain in his ribs and stormed out of the room, passing Janet. Her perfume filled the space that surrounded her and his body reacted. He fought the overwhelming urge to grab her and take her upstairs with him. He looked at her, just for a moment. The tears in her eyes, her blue eyes. He lips pressed together, her head nodding slightly. The slump in her shoulders, he knew she had given up any hope. He could see the realization on her face and in her body. It was what he wanted to happen, until he saw it happen. Janet stood there for a few moments when she heard his bedroom door slam shut. She allowed herself a few deep breaths, wiped the tears away, before turning to leave knowing she would never return to his house on Gelson again.


	2. Chapter 2

Seven months passed Eddie was drinking more then he ever had trying to numb the pain and temper the anger. He would sit night after night in a booth in the back of Sully's, an act of self-anguish, drinking beer and shots. Daring Janet to try and talk to him. Half hoping that she would. Wishing it even. But she never did. Janet couldn't even though she wanted to, the memory of her last attempt to fresh in her mind. She was grateful to have the distraction of Hannah and Ray's wedding, thrilled to have something happy to throw herself into. The planning, the flowers, the dresses. It was bittersweet but it was something to get her out of the house, use her brain on thoughts that didn't involve Eddie, the loneliness, the regret.

Night after night Eddie would find his way into Sully's taunting her. She was grateful that Rooster was gone and Pizza Girl had been hired in his place, between her and Karen she was able to avoid him. She watched him drink alone, girls coming and going for months. Every time tearing her up, she thought about quitting her job at Sully's moving somewhere new starting fresh. She had so many reasons to leave, but it felt like penance, having to be so close to him yet so far away. And by the seventh month, his presence barely phased her. Like a gnarly wound that healed into a ugly scar. Something horrible that you get used to over time.

It was the night before the wedding, Janet was headed to the rehearsal dinner, she had changed in Sully's office not wanting to be late. It was a simple dress really, a printed jersey Michael Kors wrap dress that she had gotten on sale, but she felt great in it and even had money left over for new shoes. Eddie watched her as she fiddled with her necklace, she looked beautiful, happy, sexy. It stirred something deep in him, a craving for her that he ignored for months. He was not sure what he was going to say to her, but before he could think he was walking towards her with intent. She could see the look in his eye and her heart jumped, her pulse raced.

"Hey Janet." He smiled at her, the first smile she had gotten from him since that morning she handed him a brown bag of peanut butter cookies.

"Hi Eddie." She finally said realizing that she was just staring at him saying nothing.

"You going to the rehearsal dinner?"

"Yeah, you?"

"Nah, but I will be at the wedding tomorrow. I was thinking maybe we could have a drink or something. Finally have that talk. I think I am ready to hear you now." He watched the shocked expression that grew on her face, unable to hide anything she was feeling.

"I would like that Eddie, I really would."

"Ok, good. Tomorrow, reception, one drink." He nodded and then turned. He stopped a few steps away and looked back to her. "You look amazing tonight Janet. Amazing." He cocked his head, gave her another smile and continued back to his booth.

* * *

The drink never happened, because the wedding never happened. The moment was lost and she nor Eddie ever brought it up again. It was just added to the list of all the things that would go unsaid between them. He stopped going to Sully's on nights he knew she would be there, realizing that he would never get over her, seeing her everyday. No matter how hard he tried he couldn't bring himself to really date a real possibility, his mind always on her. He went back to his old ways of co-eds and one night stands, feel more empty with each passing one.

He kept having these dreams, he and Janet were sitting on the sofa in her house, watching the TV. He had a cold beer in one hand and Janet in the other, her head resting on his shoulder. He felt content, calm and happy just sitting there with her. Janet gasped, a smile would spread across her face, as she wiggled away from him, grabbing his hand a placing it on her very pregnant belly. In his dream he could feel the baby kicking. The last thing he would hear before he woke up was the sound of Janet laughing. He woke up angry, the dreams taunting him. It had been a year now, and he still couldn't get Janet Meadows off his mind. He had tried, God knows he had tried. Back to his old ways, but Janet was always there on the outskirts of his mind.

He spent the day at Best Friend Windows, banging things around. Biting off Nicks head every chance he got. Fighting the feeling to go to Sully's and see her, talk to her. He sat at his desk, pretending to do paperwork, replaying the dream over and over in his head. A baby, a future, a life with Janet. That's what he wanted, that's what he needed.

"Earth to Eddie, Hello…" Eddie snapped out of his day dream, angry that he was being interrupted.

"What Nick?"

"There is a call for you on line one, ass." Nick was really getting sick of Eddie's attitude and was no longer willing to treat him with kid gloves. Eddie grabbed the phone, pissed that Nick couldn't just handle who ever it was.

"Eddie Latekka" he said gruffly.

"Uh, Eddie this is Rob Behr, we met last year at my wife's… uh Angela's funeral." Eddie's mood and voice softened.

"Yeah. Hey Rob, what goes on?"

"Well I was finally cleaning out some of Angie's stuff…" Rob was unable to hide the extreme sadness that still lingered in his voice "And I found a box marked Knights Ridge. I thought you and your buddies might like to have it." Eddie smiled, wondering what in the world could be in the box.

"Yeah, honestly we really would."

"Well I am going to be in the Ridge tomorrow, so maybe I could drop it by your house."

"Ah, why don't you meet me at this Pub called Sully's and I will buy you lunch." Eddie's mind was racing, Janet worked the lunch shift on Thursdays and he could see her, talk to her.

"That would be nice Eddie, around noon?"

"Noon it is."


	3. Chapter 3

It was a was a dead day, Janet was bored. She had filled the ketchup bottles and salt shakers, made the coffee, cleaned the taps and wrote the specials on the board. Now with nothing to do, she stood there, nothing to distract her mind. When her mind was idle she always thought about Eddie, it had been a year, she should be over him by now. But no matter how hard she tried she just couldn't. She kept having these really intense dreams. She was watching Eddie push a small child on a swing, laughing. She stood on the back porch and called them in for lunch, rubbing her hands over her pregnant belly. Every time she would wake up crying wishing she didn't wake up, wishing he was there with her, wishing she could move on.

Since they broke up the local guys took an added interest in her, wanting to know what she had to keep Eddie's attention for so long. Some were sweet, most were not. A few times Sully had to throw a few of them out, taking things a bit to far. But no matter how many times she was asked out she always said no. There was enough being said about her and she didn't want to add to it. She worried, deep down she worried that she would never find love again. She was just a few months away from thirty, nine weeks to be exact, and she feared her hopes for a husband and a family were slipping away. She leaned on the bar lost in thought, thinking about where Eddie was, she wondered what he was doing, if he thought about her.

"Um, excuse me Miss?" A very cute man stood before her, breaking her thoughts. He had the bluest eyes she had ever seen, and short dark hair. He was tall, not taller then Eddie but there was something about him that she liked.

"How can I help you?" She smiled wide, and stood up straight.

"I am looking for Eddie Latekka, can you tell me if he is here yet?" The day of the funeral was a blur, he couldn't remember what Eddie looked like, only remembering his name because of the sympathy card.

"No he is not here yet." Janet stomach dropped, she had not seen him for a few months. He had been avoiding her since they spoke about having one drink. They drink that never happened.

"Well I'm a little early, the traffic wasn't bad at all."

"Well, have a seat and I will get you a drink. Suds or sludge?" The stranger laughed, took of his jacket and sat down at the bar.

"Sludge I think."

"Milk and sugar?"

"Just sugar, thanks." Janet smiled at him, there was a sadness in his eyes despite the smile on his face. It was a look she knew well, she saw it every time she looked in the mirror, her own reflection staring back at her.

"I'm Janet by the way, Janet Meadows."

"Hi Janet, I am Rob Behr, but everyone calls me Grizzly."

"I think I will just call you Rob." Janet laughed pouring his cup of coffee and placing the sugar in front of him. Rob Behr, his name sounded familiar, where had she heard it before. "You're Angela Ferelli's husband?" She blurted out without thinking, realizing her rudeness she started to blush. Rob was startled but smiled at the sound of his wife's maiden name.

"Yes, I am. Did you know her?" Flustered, Janet stuttered trying to calm herself.

"Uh, no I didn't. She moved long before I got here but she knew my ex. When she passed away he told me all about her. I wish I would have known her though. She sounded badass." A sad smile formed on his face. Janet remembered that Eddie mentioned a daughter. "My parents died…In a car crash when I was fifteen." The tears sprang up in the corners of her eyes, taking her by surprise. " I am so very sorry for you and your daughters loss." Janet's voice trailed off.

"Annie, she is having such a hard time because…"

"She never got to say goodbye." Janet whispered, placed her hands over his. He looked at her surprised but comforted by her touch.

"Exactly Janet. Does it ever get better?" Janet thought for a minute, wondering if she should answer honestly.

"Better no, easier yes. With time, lots of time." He reached up and brushed away a tear from her cheek, she realized how long it had been since anyone had touched her face. She took a deep breath and managed a smile, when she saw Eddie walk in, breaking this unexpected moment between two strangers.

"Rob, Eddie is here." She nodded her head in his direction. Rob turned, Eddie face now familiar. Janet turned quickly making her way to the kitchen needing to collect her self, and get Karen to take their order. By the time Rob turned back around she was gone.

Eddie watched Janet walk away, hoping that she would not hide in the back the entire time he was there. He greeted Rob warmly, they sat in a booth, ate burgers and talked about Angela. Janet finally made a reappearance, but stayed close to the bar, trying to keep her gaze away from Eddie. He kept getting distracted by her, just being in the same room with her again. Her hair had gotten longer, hanging down her back. She stood there for a while, twirling a strand around her finger lost in thought. Her brow furrowed, her lips pressed together like she was trying to work out a complicated math problem, he wished he could read her mind. Business picked up and he watched her in her element, laughing with customers, pouring beers, delivering food. It was not lost on him that Janet didn't even come near his table, Karen working the entire section. Normally it was an all hands on deck environment, but the moment Karen saw Eddie there was an unspoken divide. A line of scrimmage that would not be crossed.

"Can I get you guys another round?" Karen asked sweetly, while shooting Eddie a dirty look.

"None for me, I got to get going. Got to pick Annie up. Eddie this was great, it was nice to talk about Angela, to hear stories about before I knew her."

"Yeah it was nice to remember her." Rob and Eddie both stood and shook hands.

"Thanks again for lunch."

"It was nothing, and if you find yourself in the Ridge again give me a holler." Rob nodded said he goodbyes and made his way back to the bar, taking Eddie by surprise.

"Janet?" Rob called out trying to get her attention.

"Yeah Rob?" Janet walked over to the end of the bar.

"Well, uh… it's been a while since I have done this. But would you maybe like to have dinner with me tomorrow night?" Janet was stunned, her mouth dropped open and her eyes widened. "There is this great French place in the Flats that I have always wanted to go to."

"Um, yeah." Janet couldn't believe the words coming out of her mouth but for the first time in a long time she wanted to say yes. "That would be great." She giggled and Eddie cringed when the sound found it way to his ears and watched as she wrote what he assumed to be her number on a napkin.

"I'll call you tonight!" Rob called out as he walked away, a huge smile on his face. Karen ran over to Janet, quickly agreeing to switch shifts when she was asked. Eddie's stomach turned watching them laugh together, anger built in his chest and he fought the urge to go beat the crap out of Rob. He took a deep breath, trying to calm his anger. He came here to see her, to talk to her. Janet watched him walk over to her, as if in slow motion. His tall lean frame moved with such ease, the line of his shoulders, the look if intent in his deep brown eyes. She stood up taller and straightened her shoulders, not sure what to expect.

"Hey Janet."

"Eddie." Karen looked at him blankly and finally walked away giving Janet's arm a squeeze as she did.

"So…" He said his plan quickly evaporating. " How have you been?"

"Fine I guess, you?" He was acting to normal it was unnerving.

"Good!' He said quickly, his voice fake with happiness, he quickly tried to temper it. "The shop its doing real good." Janet minds was racing, for months he wouldn't look at her and now he was attempting an actual conversation

"I heard, Hannah told me all about it. Congrats!" Eddie rubbed the back of his head trying to figure out what to say next, searching for the right words. Then he realized that too much time had passed and she stared at him, the silence deadly.

"So how do you know Rob?" He blurted out, instantly regretting what he had just asked, watching the expression on Janet's face change. It became clear to her, his cause for conversation…of course… Rob.

"I don't actually, I mean I do now, but I just met him today." Her voice tightened and she crossed her arms on her chest.

"Oh, so you gave him your number… Why?" Again Eddie wanted to take the question back, this was not going how he planned it in his head. He wanted to make a joke about better being late then never, and ask her for that one drink.

"Why?" Janet couldn't mask the hurt in her voice. "You mean why would a guy that looked like that want my number?" Janet's temper was flaring, of course Eddie would pull this today, because for a few seconds she felt happiness, excitement even a little hope.

"Well…no that's not…"

"He asked me out Eddie." Janet interrupted. "On a date… to that French place… in the Flats. You remember that place don't you, the one you would NEVER take me to." It was a low blow and Janet knew it but she didn't care.

"Well I might have gotten around to it but…" Eddie stopped himself, knowing he would have regretted what came out of his mouth next.

"But what Eddie… But I slept with Rooster!" She said thru gritted teeth, hands clenched on the bar. "It's been a year Eddie, get over it. God knows you have slept with a bunch of girls since we have broken up, you win OK! You moved on and now so am I!"

"Well you are not selective, so I am not surprised you said yes to the first guy that asked you out!" Eddie was trying to be mean, but it didn't work the way he hoped it would. Janet broke out laughing, a small fit of hysterics.

"Eddie you are so freaking dense. I get asked out weekly now, all the guys wanting to bang Hail Eddie's ex. All wanting to see why you were with me for so long, why you have been such a mess since we broke up. Some even to get back at you for screwing their sisters, girlfriends, mothers!" Janet stopped for a second, tears just forming in her eyes. "Not a day, not a single day passes that I don't get my ass patted or my boob grabbed, because they all think I am an epic slut now, the rumor mill churning. You treat me like crap, and now that I don't fall under your "protection" anymore they think they can treat me like crap too. I would have quit if not for Sully… So get over yourself. Rob is just the first guy to ask me out that is a real… possibility. Now if you would excuse me I have work to do!" She turned on her heel leaving Eddie there speechless.

"Want me to put that lunch on your tab asshole?" Karen asked, anger in her eyes. Eddie just nodded and walked away, grabbed the box Rob and given him from the booth and stormed thru the doors. He made it to his truck, he felt stupid, so stupid. How it that just happen? How did his plan go so badly so quickly and how in the hell was Rob a possibility. He wanted to go back inside, talk to her, explain things but again his pride got in the way. The thought that Janet was getting asked out and taunted by these assholes made Eddie want to kick the crap out of every single one of them. Angry at himself for being so blind to it, angry that his treatment set the tone for theirs, angry that Janet had silently endured it out of loyalty to Sully. He sped out of the parking lot and headed back to the shop, not knowing where else to go. .

Janet walked out to the loading dock, needing air, space, a moment to herself. She took several deep breaths trying to calm herself, she was shaking, crying. She was so sick and tired of felling this way, that Eddie had such extreme power of her emotions and she knew in that moment it had to stop and she had to let go. Really truly let go. She deserved to be happy, her one mistake did not warrant all of this. She had wasted the last year and she refused to waste another second. She was going to move forward, maybe with Rob, maybe with someone else, maybe alone. But she was going to move forward and leave Eddie Latekka behind.


	4. Chapter 4

Janet had tried on every dress in her closet. It had been such a long time since she went out on a date, real date that didn't involve beer mugs or sub sandwiches or sports. Here she was going to a fancy place that required her to wear a dress and her date to wear a jacket. She settled on her Michael Kors dress, the one she wore to the rehearsal dinner. It was the only thing she owned that she felt really good in, special even. She chose her jewelry carefully, going thru the jewelry box that was once belonged to her mother. Finally settling on simple diamond stud earrings and delicate beaded bracelet, the same colors of blue that were in her much beloved dress. She touched her fingers to the silver bracelet Eddie had given her long ago, Running her thumb over her initials J.E.M, the nickname eddie had given her. remembering how happy she was when he gave it to her. How that night started off so horribly but ended up so perfect. Just the two of them in the safety of his truck as the snow fell down around them. Janet stopped herself mid-thought, realizing what she was doing. The goal was to move forward not look back. She picked the bracelet up

and tossed it in her waste basket. A small twinge of pain in her heart as she closed her jewelry box and her mind to thoughts of the past.

Janet put the final touches on her makeup, fiddled with her curls until they were perfectly placed and gave another quick spray of her favorite perfume to her wrist when she heard her door bell ring.

Rob had called her that day they met, like he said he would and what she was expecting to be a quick conversation ended up lasting two hours. They talked about everything and nothing. It was the kind of conversation she needed after her mini-breakdown in the alley, it was light and easy. They had similar taste in just about everything.

They both loved Foreigner hated Motley Crew, Spaceballs was their favorite comedy, and Burgers could be eaten everyday without complaint. So when her bell rang, Janet didn't feel nervous, she didn't feel unworthy, like she wasn't good enough. Maybe because Rob didn't know her in high school, he didn't know her nickname. He didn't know the epic fail that was her one and only relationship with Eddie, he was a fresh start. The only thing she felt when the door bell rang was excited. Excited to be moving on, excited that Rob seemed to be a great guy, excited that tonight could be the beginning of something.

Rob had not ever really dated, he had met Angela when he was ten and she was it. They got married when they were 21, just after graduation and Annie was born a year later. He never imagined he would have to live his life without her. Over the past year everyone told him he needed to move on, that he was too young to be alone and Angela would want

him to be happy. He knew they were right but despite his friends and family's best intentions he just couldn't bring himself to date. The loss still to fresh, Annie still so fragile. And then he met Janet, there was something about her that felt like home. Something in her spirit that reminded him of Angela. The way she spoke about her parents, how she tried to comfort him, even the way she asked him what he wanted to drink. She was alluring and exciting, new but also familiar. And what came as the biggest surprise to him was when he and Eddie were talking about Angela, Janet was still on his mind. He would

find his eyes following her as she walked around the bar, he smiled when he heard her laugh. That's when he knew, he had to see her again.

Janet opened the door, taken aback by how handsome Rob was. He was so different from Eddie who was rugged, Rob was refined. His dark, almost black hair cut close, his square jaw, huge blue wide set eyes

and the cutest crooked smile she had ever seen. The suit and tie weren't hurting either.

"Wow, Janet you look really pretty tonight." Rob allowed his eyes to linger up and down Janet's body, the dress hugged her in all the right places the shades of blue bringing out her eyes, her shoes were high and showed off her toned calves. Her curls framed her face in such a perfect way, he resisted the urge to touch them. Janet watched him watching her and her cheeks began to burn.

"Thanks Rob you look really great too." She reached out and straightened his tie, shocked that she felt comfortable enough to do it without any thought. He smiled as the scent of her perfume surrounded him, and the sweetness of her fixing his tie.

"Do you want to come in?" Rob smiled and looked at his watch.

"I would like to but I made reservations, maybe later... I mean, not like that...you know later, later... but you know..." Janet chuckled watching him stammer,

realizing that she made him nervous.

"I know Rob. It's fine. Maybe later, you can come in for a drink or coffee."

"Expect some more awkwardness Janet, I haven't been on a first date since I was a kid."

"I don't think you could be awkward if you tried, now me on the other hand..." Rob reached out and grabbed her hand, his touch, the warmth of his soft hand silencing her.

"Why don't we get going."


	5. Chapter 5

For the last ten years Janet worked Friday nights at Sully's without fail. Eddie was going to try and talk to her again, try to make it right. Try and tell her what he was thinking, what he was feeling. He had been an ass the past year, treating her the way he did, looking back on all the dirty looks, the anger, the harsh words, the yelling. He added fuel to the fire, the rumor mill. The stories about why he and Janet abruptly ended varied. Some said she was cheating on Eddie with Matt which was the cause of the fight. Some said

Eddie cheated with Rory. There were the rumors about Rooster, they started after he quit and he and Janet were no longer seen hanging out together. One even circulated about her and Owen, revenge for Allison cheating on him with Ikey.

Eddie walked into Sully's with a mission, his eyes scanned the room looking for her but she was no where to be seen. Pizza Girl was there, behind the bar laughing with Owen, Karen was floating around picking up empty pitchers and Sully was taking orders at at table full of Duf students. He sat at the bar next to Owen, who could tell something was wrong.

"Hey Buddy. What goes on." Owen was worried for his friend since the breakup. When Eddie was with Janet he was a better man, a completed person. He had a plan, a purpose, a future but now he was back to his old ways. A new girl night after night, drinking too much, hanging around too much. He was on a path, a path to forty, still picking up chicks at the bar,

talking about the glory days of high school and Owen didn't even think Eddie cared.

"Big O!" Eddie tried to fake excitement, but it really didn't work. "Hey Pizza Girl, can I get a draft."

"Sure thing Eddie!" She slid the beer over to him, her red and purple hair glowing from the twinkle lights that were hung over head.

"So where is Janet tonight, she usually works on Fridays." It killed him to even ask as he watched Pizza Girl and Owen exchange and awkward glance.

"She is on a date with that Rob guy." Karen answered walking up behind him, not really caring about Eddie's hurt feelings. From where she was standing Eddie was just as wrong as Janet only he was sanctimonious. Flaunting girls in front of Janet night after night, with little regard for her feeling, why should she worry about his.

"Karen!" Pizza Girl scolded her, granted Janet and Eddie were long broken up but he could have gotten the news of her date a little softer.

"What Emily, she is." Karen placed the pitchers down on the

bar with a thud and walked away.

Eddie felt sick, this was not good. Not only was Rob was a great guy, he was a great guy for Janet. This was not some tool who worked in the dirt and hung out at Sully's night after night. He felt so foolish, of course she was on a date tonight. Rob said he would call her, she gave him her number, she giggled. He drank the rest of his beer in a two long sips and threw some money on the bar as he walked away. This was all his doing, if he had not been such a coward Rob and Janet would have never met. If he would have just gone to Janet's house, knocked on her door and told her he was sorry and that he missed her, this all could have been avoided. Just like if he would have just told her he loved her and that Rory was in town a year ago, it all could have been avoided. They would still be together, probably engaged maybe even married, just the thought of what could have been made him sad. He had learned nothing, and now

he had made the same mistake twice. He

wondered if it was too late, if she was really lost to him, maybe she and Rob were falling in love at this very moment and there was nothing he could do about it.

"So Rob, I realized that I never asked you what you do?" Janet sipped her wine, the wine that Rob ordered with actual wine knowledge. They sat outside on the patio, the stars shining above them. Janet felt like she was in a movie, one that Kate Hudson would star in, sound tracked by a Natasha Bedingfield song.

"I am a financial planner." Rob looked at her over his menu and smiled.

"That sounds really... boring." He laughed loudly, drawing the attention of some of the other patrons.

"It is Janet, it really is." He cocked his head to one side, trying to figure her out, knowing just like Angela he never really would. "So do you know what you are having?"

"No clue, I have wanted to come here for so long and now I

can't make up my mind. I was thinking about the duck, because that's something I don't make at home."

"You cook?" Rob was so curious about her, wanting to learn as much as he could.

"I do. One day I would love to have my own little place, right on October Road. Like a home kitchen, everything from scratch, great homey, cozy food."

"That sounds great, I am sure the kids at the college would appreciate a place like that. I can't remember the last time I had a home cooked meal."

"Well I will just have to make you one then. What do you like?"

"Janet are you asking me out on a second date?" Janet blushed, opening her mouth to speak but the words would not come out. "Because if you are I accept! And I like fried chicken, it's my favorite thing ever."

Eddie drove around all night, the moon full the stars bright. The streets of the Ridge quiet. He couldn't imagine living anywhere else, the Ridge was as much apart of him as

his leg or his hand. Ingrained in his DNA on a cellular level. But sometimes he wondered what it would be like to escape the Hail Eddie legend, the stigma. To go somewhere new, different and to fade into the background. He wondered who he would be, what he would do. Everywhere he went in the Ridge he was seen, accounted for, noticed. From the girls he bedded, the beer he drank, his relationship with Janet, it was all open for conversation, speculation. Sometimes it was overwhelming, like he couldn't breathe, and he realized it was the reason he was how he was. Why he stood Janet up, why he ended up kissing Rory,why he couldn't forgive her, why he couldn't tell Janet he was wrong. It all came down to two things. His pride and that he cared too much about what everyone thought of him.

When the only person who

mattered was Janet. He found himself on her block, he found himself there a lot over the past year. Eddie saw them on her front porch

and he parked his truck a few houses away, not wanting to be seen. Janet was in that dress, that amazing blue dress and she was laughing, happy. And then in slow motion Eddie watched as Rob lifted his hand to Janet's cheek, the smile fading from her face, replaced by a look that Eddie knew. Desire. As soon as Rob's lips touched Janet's Eddie understood what it must have felt like when she saw him kissing Rory. He could see how she could end up in bed with another man. It all started to make perfect sense as he watched Janet and Rob walk into her house together, Eddie felt like a part of him died.

Janet was nervous as Rob pulled into her driveway, the date had gone amazingly well. They both ordered the duck, and a second bottle of wine, they shared a crème brulee and when the night got a little cooler Rob put his jacket over her shoulders and moved his chair closer to hers so he could keep his arm around her as they sipped coffee. Their

conversations flowed without interruption and now they were coming to the moment of truth. Was he going to kiss her goodnight. Rob walked her to the door, he was as nervous as she was, he had only ever kissed Angela and he really never wanted to kiss anyone else until tonight. The talked for a bit more, as he tried to get up the nerve, telling her a stupid story about his brother James. And when she started to laugh, he just couldn't help himself. He reached up and touched her cheek. Janet, felt his touch through her entire body, his hand was so soft against her skin, her eyes locked on his as his face drew closer

to hers. He whispered her name a second before their lips touched, it started as a gentle tenative kiss. Both getting used to the idea of a new person. Rob wove his fingers in her hair with one hand, the other on the small of her back pulling her close to him and a small moan escaped the back of Janet's throat as she wrapped her arms

around his waist, their bodies pressed against each other. For a few moments they were both lost, completely lost and breathless as Janet finally pulled away. Her lips and cheeks red, Rob leaned in an kissed her again, unable to stop himself. He finally pulled away, not really knowing what came next. No words passed between them, Janet just turned and unlocked her door, Rob following her inside.


	6. Chapter 6

Janet's head was swirling when Rob finally left a two hours later. He really wanted to stay, it killed him to leave her but he had to pick Annie up from the sitter. He hadn't planned for the night to go as amazingly well as it did. Kissing Janet, being with her, holding her, was so unexpected, so perfectly unplanned. For the first time in along time, he felt hope. They had made plans to meet up at Sully's tomorrow after Janet's afternoon shift and go to the Johnson Inn for dinner. Janet wrapped herself up in a blanket and sat on her sofa, completely bemused by this man. Unable to believe her luck, that they would hit it off so well, that they would connect so easily. That he was just as eager to see her again as she was to see him. She missed him, that's what took her by surprise. That he was only gone for a few minutes and she was wishing he was still there. That first kiss took her by surprise, she worried that going forward she would compare every kiss to Eddie, that no matter what he would be on the fringe of her mind. The standard that everyone would be held to. But when Rob's lips touched hers, for the first time in a long, long time Eddie was the last thing on her mind. She was completely in the moment with Rob, how it felt to be in his arms, his mouth on hers, the way he whispered her name. She smiled at the thought of seeing him again tomorrow as she got up and went to bed.

Eddie was distraught, laying in his bed staring at the ceiling. The moment he watched them kiss replaying in his head. He knew that he and Janet were over and done. Deep down he always believed they would get back together, that Janet would always be there waiting for him. That she would stand still, on pause, her life on hold until he was ready to love her again. He laughed at his own arrogance and stupidity. Why would she wait for him, he gave her no reason to, nothing to hold on to. He tried to stop himself, but he just couldn't help it. When he got out of his bed, into his truck and drove by Janet's house a few hours later, relieved to see that Rob's car was gone and Janet's lights were out. Maybe it wasn't to late after all, maybe he could stop this thing with Rob and Janet before it really started.

* * *

Janet felt a jolt through her body when she saw Rob make his way into Sully's, his eyes fixed on her. She walked towards him, placing a tray full of drinks on the bar. Without any thought or hesitation he kissed her hello, realizing how much he had missed her as the packed bar looked on. The rumor mill would be in full swing by morning.

"I am sorry to tell you this but I have to work a little later then expected tonight, Karen just called in sick and Emily does not get in until eight." Rob looked at his watch it was just a little before six.

"Do you mind hanging here for a bit, I could tempt you with the greatest wings on the planet."

"Best wings huh, Ok. I will take an order and a beer." Rob sat at the bar and took off his blazer, making himself comfortable in an unfamiliar place. He could feel the eyes on him, even thought he was not sure why. He assumed it was because he was a new comer. Janet placed a beer in front of him and then reached up and gently touched her hand to his cheek, rubbing it over his stubble.

"I didn't have time to shave today." He said softly. He stood slightly, leaning over the bar and gently pressed his lips to Janet's. She smiled as he pulled away sitting back in his stool.

"I like it, it suits you actually. You look less like a financial planner tonight." Rob laughed and took a large sip of his beer.

"I feel less like a financial planner tonight and that's a good thing Janet."

Eddie saw Rob come in, perched from his booth in the back. He saw Janet's whole face and body language changed when he walked into the room, and he wondered if she did then whey they were together. They looked at ease together already and Eddie cringed every time they kissed. He didn't know what possessed him to do it as he made his way to the bar and sat next to Rob, a look of horror across Janet's face as he did.

"Hey there Rob, didn't think I would be seeing you in here so soon." Eddie slapped him on the shoulder as he sat down.

"Hey Eddie, good to see you again." Janet wanted to die, crawl into a hole and die. Actually no, she wanted to kill Eddie and throw him into a hole.

"Janet Can I get a draft." He spoke to her so easily, so calmly like nothing was wrong. She would be dammed to let him see he was upsetting her.

"Sure thing Eddie." She pulled him his favorite draft and placed in in front of him, before turning to the window to pick up an order of food.

Rob and Eddie both watched her walk away.

"So you are taking out Janet?" Eddie was trying to sound casual, trying to feel Rob out. To see if Janet told him that they used to date.

"Uh, yeah I am... she is pretty amazing."

"Yeah, she sure is." Something in the way Eddie said it made Rob think. Janet had mentioned an ex, who knew Angela. He wondered if Eddie was that guy.

"So are you and Janet friends?"

"Yes, well no... We used to be, but not so much now." Eddie couldn't mask the sadness in his voice. He took a large sip from his beer, avoiding Rob's glare.

"Ah, I see..." Janet returned to the bar, curious as to what they were talking about. She plucked Rob's order of wings out of the window and set them in front of him.

"Here you go, one order of the best wings ever to pass you lips." Janet shot Eddie a look of death, and what she got back was a look of sadness. It pulled at her in a way she was not expecting.

"These look great, but how do they taste is the question..." Rob dug into a wing and just like Janet promised they were the best he had ever tasted. A groan escaped from him and Janet smiled.

"See I told you!"

"So worth, missing out on our reservations at the Johnson Inn." He groaned, offering one to Eddie who declined.

"Janet can I get a shot please." Janet furrowed her brow, it was way to early for him to be starting with the shots.

"Eddie, it's not even dark out yet, you sure you want to start so early."

"Positive, you know what I like." In that moment Rob was certain that Eddie and Janet were once a couple and a pang of jealousy flashed through him. He wondered what brought them together and what split them apart, hoping that it was long ago.

"Well I don't want to shanghai your "date" so..." Eddie drank the shot, banging the glass on the table and picked up his beer. " I will be on my way, Rob it was nice seeing you again." Janet watched him walk away, and Rob watched Janet watching Eddie. He was relieved when it was worry he saw in her eyes and not love.

"So you and Ed..."

"JANET, ORDER UP TABLE 2" Sully yelled from the kitchen "We are getting slammed tonight get a move on girly." Janet jumped to attention, quickly smiling at Rob before going back to work.

* * *

It never slowed down, not for a second, the Duf students were packing in after some rally. They were backed up even after Emily made it in for her shift, Sully begged Janet to stay, which she did but only if she could take a half an hour to have dinner with Rob. Sully agreed, Janet had been there since eleven and deserved a break.

"I am so sorry about this Rob, really." They sat in a booth on the other side, away from the bar and Eddie's eyes. They sat across from each other, Janet slightly disappointed that Rob didn't sit next to her.

"It totally fine, I have enjoyed watching you in your element." Karen dropped off a pitcher of beer and two of the best burgers Janet had ever seen come out of the kitchen. Sully's apology for being so gruff all night. "So far the food has been worth it." He wanted to ask her about Eddie, it was bugging him all night. But he knew he only had a half an hour with her and then he would have to leave an pick up Annie. He didn't want to spend what little time they had talking about the past. Janet watched him, he was lost in thought. She wondered if Eddie had said something to him, maybe that she was a cheater or a whore and he should stay clear of her.

"You look beautiful tonight Janet." Janet blushed under his watchful eye, and smiled before taking a sip of her beer.

"How about I cook for you tomorrow?"

"How about we go out instead, you have worked like a dog today, do you really feel like being on your feet in the kitchen tomorrow." Janet was touched by how thought and institutive he was. How he knew what she needed, even before she did.

"No, I really don't."

"Good, I will pick you up at six."

"Three dates in three days, are you sure you're not going to get sick of me?"

"I don't even think that is possible Janet."

* * *

It was a little after ten when Rob said his goodbyes, He should of left an hour earlier but wanted to be with Janet for as long as he could. He walked around to the back of the bar, and wrapped her up in his arms, the eyes of the crowd going between the kissing couple and Eddie in his booth watching them, waiting to see what he might do. He sat there watching, his stomach in knots, fists clenched. Janet felt on fire, like every part of her body, every nerve was on full alert. Any exhaustion she felt gone, the moment Rob's lips touched hers.

"I will see you tomorrow." Rob practically growled in her ear, his breath on her neck. He gave her a quick peck before regretfully letting her go and making his way out the doors.

"Janet Meadows, wow that was some kiss." Emily was pouring a set of shots for the Duf kids, huge smile on her face, happy to see her friend happy again.

"Who are you telling, Emily." Janet fanned herself with her hands, straightened her t-shirt and went back to work.

* * *

It was near closing, and Janet had been at the bar for nearly sixteen hours of non-stop action, she was exhausted. Beyond exhausted actually. There were a few of the usual stragglers, nursing their last call drinks and Eddie who didn't move for most of the night, twirling a quarter on the table over and over. He had stopped drinking hours before, realizing the booze was doing nothing to improve his mood, or courage. He was going to talk to her when her shift was suppose to end at six. But again he forgot the possibility that Janet would be seeing Rob for the second time in a row. He wanted to talk to her now, but she looked so tired, so done with this day but he couldn't leave without making some kind of stand. He picked up his quarter and made his way to the juke box, sliding the quarter in and looking for his selection. The guitar chords started and then the drums as Eddie leaned against the juke box, his legs extended, his arms crossed against his chest. Janet turned when she hear the drums, watching Eddie, her body frozen.

**Well I miss you honey**  
**A little more every day**  
**And I know if I kissed you**  
**You'd be comin' back home to stay**

Their eyes locked, both remembering that night before home coming, this song paying in the background, as Janet watched Eddie with the twins, then as she yelled at him about taxes and double D cups and finally when he kissed her once and then again. Remembering how happy they both were, how good they were together.

**'cause I know I was wrong**  
**But how long do I have to pay?**

Janet really listened to the lyrics, She and Eddie never breaking eye contact. Caught in this moment together.

**You know you belong here beside me**  
**I'm a fool for you anyway**  
**I'm a fool for you anyway**  
**'cause I'm a fool for you anyway**

A small smile spread across Eddie's face, thinking about that night, Janet ranting at him about all the other girls, and how stunned she was when he just kissed her. Something he had wanted to do for weeks. He shook his head slightly and remember saying "Excuse me" before kissing her again.

**Well I cried for you so long**  
**My river of tears ran dry**  
**And I tried to be so strong**  
**But grew weaker as time went by**

His eyes darkened as he really listened to the lyrics, your love left a mark on me… He fought every desire to grab her and kiss her, he watched her wipe away the tears that rolled down her cheeks. Causing them to form in his own eyes.

**You know your love left a mark on me**  
**I don't think it will fade away**

**I'll sit here and wait 'til you come home**  
**'cause I'm a fool for you anyway**  
**I'm a fool for you anyway**  
**Fool for you anyway**

Janet reached for two shot glasses and poured his favorite whisky, holding one up for him. Eddie laughed as he made his way towards the bar, taking the shot from her hand. They clinked their glasses and drank them together like that had had a hundred times before. No words passing between them. Janet shrugged her shoulders and cocked her head, giving Eddie a small smile. But he could still see the sadness in her eyes.

**You know your love left a mark on me, on me**  
**I don't think it will fade away**  
**I'll sit here and wait 'til you come home**  
**'cause I'm a fool for you anyway**  
**'cause I'm a fool for you anyway**  
**I'm a fool for you anyway**

He nodded before he turned and walked out of Sully's, every step further away from her causing him physical pain. Forcing himself to go, he could see in her eyes, that it really was over and done. Janet watched him walk away, confused, wondering what just happened. Why would he play that song now, he had months to try and reconnect with her and now that Rob was in her picture he wanted her back. So typical, so annoying, so exciting. She wanted to call out to him and ask him all the questions that were lingering in her head. Instead she poured and drank herself another shot watching the doors close behind him.

**Fool for you anyway**  
**Fool for you anyway**  
**'cause I'm a fool for you anyway**  
**A fool for you anyway**  
**Fool for you anyway**  
**I'm a fool for you anyway**


	7. Chapter 7

Hey Everone- I know I have not posted for a little bit... I have had the WORST writers block... My boss was onvacation 2 weeks ago so I was able to get a ton of writing done durning t he day ( shhh dont tell anyone) and i think i just burned myself out... Plus I have been sick for the last week... stupid germs... I hope you guys like this chapter, it kind of kicked my ass and the writers block is still here, lingering... Please guys post some new chapters, i need some Jeddie inspiration... Also please review I need all the help I can get... xoxo cbd

Eddie drove home somberly, defeated, numb. Everything crashing around in his head, and coming to the conclusion that he and Janet were over, that it had been over for months. That he had been the one to end it, with his anger and unkindness. Janet had tried, in a millions way big and small. Even her silence and giving him space was an act of reconciliation. He was just to stupid to see it. He made in into the front door at Gelson, it was just after one and gave Phil a small nod before heading up the stairs. He would have to move on, he had no choice. He would have to find someone new, someone who would make him feel the way Janet did. Happy, safe, contented. He had never felt those things with a woman before and wondered if it were ever possible again. He laid in his bed, and finally was able to fall into a restless sleep. His last thoughts were that he would start over again in the morning.

* * *

Months passed so quickly as Eddie watched the seasons change, from spring to summer to fall and all he felt was loneliness as he watched Janet and Rob fall in love. Everywhere he went they were there, holding hands on October Road, kissing in Sully's, buying a Christmas tree with his daughter, laughing. He could not escape them. The only place that was safe was his room at Gelson. He fell asleep with the image of Rob and Janet decorating a Christmas tree together burned into his brain. He woke up to a knocking on his door, and found Janet standing at the foot of his bed. She was all bundled up, her cheeks pink from the cold, the snow melting on her shoulders and it glistened like glitter in the dim light from his room, she glowed. He could almost see the steam rising from her mouth as she spoke. Eddie sat up in bed, as Janet sat on the edge next to him.

"Uh, Janet... what are you doing here...now?" She took off her hat and her curls tumbled around her shoulders. She put her hands to her mouth and blew on them in an attempt to warm her numb fingers. She looked at his window, which was wide open despite the storm.

"It's cold in here Eddie, aren't you cold?" He wasn't, in fact he felt warm, hot even. He flicked the blankets off of him and wrapped them around Janet's shoulders. He felt exposed in front of her after all this time in only his boxers.

"Is that better?" Janet nodded but still shivered.

"I need to tell you something... I wanted you to hear it from me..." Eddie's stomach dropped, Janet was in his room, in the middle of an snow storm, something bad was coming. Eddie turned his attention back to the window, the snow was really coming down and he was looking for an excuse, any excuse to not have this conversation.

"Janet, I have to plow. Can't we talk later..." Janet held her cold fingers to his lips, silencing him. How long had it been since she touched him. He placed his hand over hers, his warm hand a contrast to hers, he could see her shiver, her body quaked. He gently rested her hand on his heart, and leaned in to kiss her.

"Eddie, no. I didn't come here for that... I came here to tell you that Rob and I, we got married today." She spoke so quickly that he thought for a moment she said she was married, that couldn't be possible. They had only just met, how could they be married. "And that I am having a baby in the spring. I didn't want you to hear about this from Nick or Owen or someone else." Eddie looked at her blankly, unable to absorb what she was saying, unable to balance it in his mind.

"No Janet, no. That is just... NO!" He stood up quickly and paced around his room. His body filling with anger, unable to control himself, he let out a loud scream, purging all his feeling from his body. When he turned back to his bed Janet was gone and only her hat remained. He ran down the stairs and out the door looking for her, ignoring how cold it was, how his feet froze in the snow with every step he took, calling out her name to the cold night air. Unable to see her, unable to find her...

Eddie jolted awake, alone in his bed. His heart racing, his breath uneven. He stood from his bed, and looked out the window, relieved that there was no snow on the ground, just the moonlight on the cherry tree blossoms outside his window. The realization came slowly that it it was only a dream, a horrible dream. He sat back down on his bed, head in hands trying to calm his nerves, replaying the dream over in his head. And he knew he couldn't give up, he could not let his dream become a reality. He looked at his watch it was a little after three, when his cell phone rang.

* * *

Sully took pity on Janet and Emily, letting them leave without their usual closing rituals. Grateful, they didn't put up a fuss and quickly made it out the door arms linked together.

"So what was that little moment with you and Eddie tonight?" Emily had watched them from the storage room with Sully. They were both frozen there, hoping that something would happen that Janet and Eddie would finally get back together.

"I don't know Em, but it felt like... Goodbye I think..."

"It didn't look like goodbye Janet, it looked like an apology. It looked like a let's start over again. I love you... That's what it looked like" Janet frowned at the word love.

"He never said that..."

"Said what?"

"That he loved me, in all the time... Never mind..." Janet shook her head, trying to push the sadness she still felt about Eddie out of her mind. "You working tomorrow?"

"Janet don't change the subject, I mean seriously."

"Em, it's late, it's been a long day. You can annoy me about this on Monday ok." Emily finally relented to exhausted to put up a fight.

"Ok, get home safe."

"You too."

* * *

Janet, opened all the windows of her car, the cold April air numbing her cheeks. She was so tired that she was afraid she might fall asleep while driving. This was long day, her shift never ended and she had been on her feet non-stop. Now that she was sitting she felt the pain in her feet, legs, back and longed for a long soak in a hot tub. Her exhausted mind wandered back to Eddie as she hummed the song over and over in her head and then she couldn't resist singing it out loud. _Oh your love left a mark on me... I don't think it will go away... _

"Focus Meadows, Focus." She looked at the clock, it was just after two in the morning as she pulled into her driveway. Happy she made it home safely.

She flung herself on her bed and kicked off her shoes, letting out a loud groan.

"Maybe the bath can wait." She said to the empty room, sitting up, removing her jeans, tee shirt and bra sliding on her sweat pants and tank. She wanted to fall back into her bed and just go to sleep, but something kept nagging at her. She went to her waste paper basket and plucked out the bracelet she had thrown in there the day before. All she could do was stair at it, before she fastened it around her wrist, remembering how nice it felt there. A burst of adrenaline coursed through her body, mind racing. She needed to know why. Why Eddie played that song tonight of all nights? She pulled on her sneakers and a hoodie and made it back to her Jeep, heading over to 32 Gelson.

She pulled up and all the lights were out, of course they were it was almost three in the morning. She slowly walked up the path to his front door and sat on the swing that he and Rory kissed on, She took a moment and mustered up her courage. She pulled out her phone and dialed Eddies number from memory, long deleted from her contact list, her stomach turning with each ring.

"Janet?" His voice was soft and filled with surprise.

"I, uh am on your porch... we need to talk."

* * *

Eddie didn't know what to make of Janet being on his porch. She hadn't been there since the week after he got out of the hospital. He remembered how awful he was to her, how the words coming out of his mouth were the exact opposite of what he was feeling, of what he really wanted. He often thought about that day, wishing he could go back and listen to what she had to say. All these months later and he still didn't really know what happened that night. How they went from having the best morning of his entire life to Janet ending up in bed with another man twelve hours later. He made his way down the stairs, and opened the door. Janet stood there, brow furrowed, doubting her decision to come. He looked at her, her face free of makeup, her hair piled on top of her head, in sweats and a tank, this was Sunday morning Janet, his favorite Janet variety.

"Come in..."

"I don't know..."

"Janet it's cold, come in." She stood in front of him, everything she wanted to say jumbling in her brain. She couldn't make eye contact, she just stared over his shoulder at the Jimmy Hendricks poster on the wall, a birthday gift she had given him years ago.

"Janet... if you want to talk you have to you know... speak..." Eddie ran his hands thru his hair and leaned against the door jam into the living room.

"Tonight... Why Eddie..."

"The song?" Janet nodded, and crossed her arms against her chest.

"I just needed to remind you I guess." Janet raised her eyebrows, her eyes full of question. "I mean, I need you to know that this, what ever this is between you and me. It isn't over." Janet's heart leapt, this is what she had needed to hear from him, months ago. That there was still hope, a glimmer.

"Eddie, its just... you had all this time and now because there is someone else...

"No, Janet. No. I asked Rob to meet me at Sully's that day so I could talk to you. I should have just went to your house and told you that I was an idiot and that I was sorry. I should have told you how much I missed you and wanted to fix things, I should have told you how much I wanted you. But I just couldn't. So I met him at Sully's and then before I knew it you were on a date!" Janet felt like she was in a dream, this was everything she wanted. Eddie wanted her back, he finally admitted it.

"Eddie, I waited and waited. I watched you night after night girl after girl."

"I know... I was just so angry... And I wanted to hurt you as much as you hurt me."

"Well mission was accomplished." Janet said sardonically, angry to hear him admit that his goal was to hurt her.

"Janet we can start over. A Janet and Eddie relationship do over... we could be together."

"Eddie, Rob and I..." Eddie hated how that sounded, there was not way there could be a Rob and Janet, it was too soon.

"Janet you went on like a date and a half..."

"Eddie no you don't understand... He makes me feel, good in a way you never did. When I was with you all I ever felt was doubt and insecurity and with him I don't. He makes me feel...Like I am enough." Eddie hated hearing that another man was able to make Janet feel that way, angry that he made her feel so unworthy.

"Janet, you are enough. I love you. I love you... and I know you love me..." Eddie wrapped his arms around her, and rested his forehead on hers, their breath mixing, their faces so close. Tears welled in Janet's eyes, missing being this close to him, wanting to kiss him, but the thought of Rob lingering in her head, and then an unexpected feeling of guilt. But she want not sure if she felt guilty for being with Eddie or Rob.

"Eddie, I was with Rob, with him with him. I think I have feelings for him."

"You were with him, as in had sex with him? On the first date?" Eddie's voice was ragged and broken.

"Yes. I am sorry Eddie, I really am. It Just happened. It was something I guess I needed. And he is good for me and I am going to fall in love with him. You and I are not good for each other. I want to be happy, I want to get married and have babies and I don't think you want those things, I mean you just told me you loved me... for the first time ever in the history of our relationship, and we have been broken up for a year. I needed to hear it Eddie that last morning we had together and every morning the preceded it. I need to hear it that day in the hospital when you told me you kissed her. I needed to hear it and you never said it. And now because you are scared that I have moved on, now all of a sudden..."

"It's not all of a sudden, I loved you I thought you knew. I just..."

"I know, Eddie. But all of this is water under the bridge, I have to move on, we cant keep doing this. Hurting each other, testing each other, pushing each other away." Janet lifted her hand to his cheek and lightly pressed her lips to his. "Bye Eddie."

Janet turned to wk away. Eddie grabbed her, not waning to let her go, pressing his lips to hers. She wanted to resist him, every thought in her mind was to just walk away but her heart wouldn't listen. He could feel her body fighting him and then the moment she gave in. Janet wrapped her arms around his neck, her body conforming to his. She parted he lips, and allowed him to control the kiss, her entire body humming, every nerve ending awake. It was the little things she had forgotten, like how he liked to brush the tips of his fingers on the small of her back, the way his stubble scratched her face. Janet finally pulled away, unable to catch her breath.

"Eddie, please don't." She put her hand against his chest and tried to push him away.

"Janet…" Eddie placed his hand over hers, lacing their fingers together. "Come up stairs with me." His voice was so low Janet could barely hear him.

"I can't Eddie." Janet shook her head, and slowing moved away from him, her hand still on his. She finally broke free of him, turning to leave and that's when he saw it The bracelet, she was wearing his bracelet. And it gave him hope, it was not over not by a long shot.


	8. Chapter 8

Emily and Phil, laid huddled together on the sofa. Frozen, not sure if they should make their presence known or not. Not moving or breathing as their hearts broke for their friends. Listening to Eddie try and win Janet back and her admission that she was falling for someone else. Emily wanted to jump up and tell them how stupid they were being, how they loved each other and were just too scared to admit it. Most of all she wanted to make all the pain and hard feelings go away. Phil tightened his grasp around her, sensing her desire to step in. He looked deep into her eyes, grateful that they were so sure in their love for one another, grateful that they found each other and were able to make a life together despite his limitations. Emily relaxed against him, resting her head in the crook of his neck and listened as Janet walked out the front door.

"Janet!" Eddie called out after her. "Just wait for one second!"

Janet froze, midway down his porch steps and turned around to face him. Willing herself to keep going, to get to her car and drive away but something stopping her. Somehow Eddies words had gotten through to her heart, she could feel them trapped in there making her healing heart beat faster and faster. _A Janet and Eddie relationship do-over... _

"Eddie, you are not being fair." She finally said trying to snap herself out of the fantasy that things between then could go back to how they used to be. He knew he wasn't being fair, he knew that he didn't have the right to ask for her back. He knew he had more balls then brains. But he also knew that he would regret it for the rest of his life if he didn't make a last stand and try to get her back.

"I know, I know I'm not. And you know I really don't care, maybe it took getting so close to losing you for me to realize what you mean to me."

"You do understand how messed up that is?" Janet said flatly, Eddie nodded, and took her hand in his.

"Please don't leave, we still need to talk. You know all this time, and I still have no clue what happened that night. How you ended up in be with Rooster." Janet stomach soured just at the thought of having to relive that day, to explain to him everything that happened. To tell him bout how worthless she felt after seeing him kiss Rory, how alone, how hopeless. To explain to him how she called her friend, someone she trusted, someone who had never let her down. To allow herself to get so drunk, so blinded by alcohol that she would allow herself a moment of crazy reckless haste and fall into be with a man she didn't love. To explain the feeling, the dark, overwhelming feeling of regret when she woke up the next morning. Still heartbroken by the thoughts that Eddie was most likely waking up with Rory lying next to him, still haunted by the images she had made up in her head of them together. She spoke so quickly and softly that eddie had to strain to hear her, the words falling from her mouth like drops of rain from the sky. He didn't know she was drunk, he had never known Janet to drink past the point of buzzed and happy. The thought of her sad and wasted, turning to Rooster made him feel like a worthless piece of shit. hearing Janet recount the day, how he had lied to her and avoided her, how he didn't call like he usually did, how Rory paid her a visit. Then as a final nail in the coffin, watching them kiss. He realized that he was the one to blame, he had set all of this in motion and ultimately Janet paid the price for it. The last year she was tortured, not only by his anger but Rooster and everyone in town who thought she had wronged their hometown hero.

Janet was proud that she didn't cry, she stood there looking off into the distance purging everything she had kept in from her mind and heart. Each word a weight lifted off her soul. Each word a step closer to peace.

"Janet, I had no idea..."

"How would you? You wouldn't talk to me, god knows I tried. but you just..."

"I know... I wanted to but..."

"So that leaves us here Eddie, knowing what we know and yet still nothing has changed. Except maybe now we can move on and stop torturing each other."

"I don't want to move on Janet, I want to go back..."

"We can't, you know that. Eddie, I love you. But I always have, so I can live loving you and not having you."

"I can't... I cant live loving you and not having you. I have tried for this last year, made up reasons and excuses, made you out to be this villain. I did everything i could to forget you, erase you but there was not a singe day I didn't want you back." Janet finally couldn't hold back the tears anymore, her body overwhelmed with sadness and regret. The tears slid from her cheeks, she was powerless to stop them. They wrapped their arms around each other, both holding on tightly, not a word passing between them.

"Eddie, I have to go. It's almost morning." Janet pulled away from him, Eddie reluctantly let her go. She wiped away her hears and straightened her tank top and hoodie, trying to collect herself. "I don't think we can decide this right now, we should just live our lives and see what happens."

"So you mean you are still going to see Rob then?"

"Eddie, yes I am. And maybe you and I can be friends again, in time. But I just don't see a future with us. I just don't see forever with you. I used to, I really did, but now I don't."

"That ok, i will see it for the both of us..."

"Eddie..."

"No, I am going to do what you should have done when you saw me kissing Rory... Fight... I am going to do what I should have been doing all year... fighting for you, for us. So you do what you need to do, you want to date Rob, fine. I cant stop you, but we are not over." He grabbed her arm gently and brushed his finger along her bracelet. Something deep within Janet broke, and an overwhelming sense of fear over took her. She loved Eddie, a love so strong that it scared her, a love that she wanted to run to but instead was running away from it. It nearly destroyed her the first time. She un-clasped the bracelet from her wrist, laying it in Eddie palm.

"I don't want to fight anymore Eddie. I surrender." She bought his finger to her lips, kissing them gently and then she turned and walked away.


	9. Chapter 9

Rob walked up the pathway to Janet's small house, a place that in a short time felt familiar to him. He stood on her porch, full of anticipation and nervous energy. He was looking forward to seeing her again, getting to spend some time with her, so he could know her better. There was so much about her that was a lingering question mark. He wanted to know where she grew up, how she came to live in the ridge, but he also needed to know about her and Eddie. He needed to ask the tough questions. He needed to know before he fell for her, more then he already had. It scared him, what he was feeling. It was so new and so strong, his first instinct was to run from it. But that is what he had been doing for the past year, running. Rob didn't want to live his life that way, he didn't want Annie to learn from his bad example.

It had been a long day for him already, Annie was in a mood and no matter how much he tried to snap her out of it she just wanted to be alone. There was an empty quality to his daughter now, and he knew there was nothing he could do to fill the void that Angela left. No way to make up for a loss so great. She used to laugh, and sing and talk about what she wanted to be and what she wanted to do. Now her time was spent, reading, writing, her Ipod never to far away getting lost in her music. He remembered what Janet said, that it doesn't get an better but it does get easier. It was a mild comfort, he just had to wait it out and hoped the easier would find its way.

He knocked at Janet's door tentatively, trying to decide if he should has the Eddie question right away or wait. It was something he dreaded asking , but knew he had to, ultimately deciding to get it out of the way. Not wanting it to mar the night, with his anticipation.

"Hey you." Janet answered the door with a broad smile on her face. He looked her up and down quickly, she looked perfect. Casual in jeans and a tee shirt, she wasn't trying to impress him. She was just being herself and he smiled that he could be himself too. Janet was excited to see him, she had looked forward to him all day. Despite her lack of sleep from the night before Janet was wide awake. She finally felt a bit of closure between her and Eddie, and with that a weight was lifted. A weight that had pressed her down for the last year, in everything she said or did. She said what she needed to say, she was clear with him. She was done waiting on him, she was moving on. Janet chose to ignore that fact that he wanted her back. Choosing to focus on her decisions not his.

"Well you are a sight for sore eyes Janet." They embraced and kissed, Janet was happy to still feel that feeling, that buzz, that hum when Rob was near her.

"Are you ready to go, I am starving?" She asked him grabbing her bag.

"Uh, actually. Could we talk for a minute?" His tone was pensive and Janet's stomach dropped and her feeling of hunger disappeared

"Rob... uh... ok." She lead him to the small round table in her living room. The sat opposite each other, no words passing between them. "Rob you are kinda freaking me out, are we breaking up?" Janet was shocked by the sadness she felt just saying those words, to feel so much so soon. Rob looked up in to her blue eyes and he could see her sadness as she spoke, he wanted so quickly to make that look go away.

"No! Janet no, its just… Last night I think I put a few puzzle pieces together about you... You mentioned an ex that knew Angela... is it Eddie?" Janet inhaled sharply, his name the last word she wanted to hear from Rob's lips. For a second, she wanted to deny it. To not have to deal with it and explain to Rob her past.

"Yes, Eddie and I dated." She finally said breathlessly, waiting to the inevitable questions that would follow.

"I take it didn't go well?" Rob asked her sheepishly, not sure how much he really wanted to know. He was relieved and slightly annoyed that his suspicions were correct. Janet dated Eddie Latekka.

"No, it ended badly, we both made a bunch of mistakes and feelings were… hurt. We were friends for years before so it made it so much harder, and all of our friends are friends." Janet knew she was rambling but couldn't stop herself. "So we have had a hard time adjusting to the fact we didn't work, despite the fact that we both wanted it to. But its getting better I think, we can stand to be in the same room and talk. It took a year before that could even happen." Rob relaxed hearing that they had been over for a year.

"Oh, so you have been broken up for a while then?"

"Yeah, we dated for like seven months and its been over for a year."

"Good, I was worried..." Rob admitted.

"Worried?" Janet was surprise that someone as together as Rob would be worried that a girl like her might not be interested in a guy like him.

"You two had this strange energy yesterday... Janet I like you... A lot... more then I should for the short time we have known each other, so I was worried that you and Eddie were still a lingering thing or whatever."

"Eddie and I will always have a... I don't even know what to call it... he was my first real relationship, my first real love so I guess it will always hurt when I think about him, but as far as a relationship. No, that part of my life is over..." Janet was trying to convince herself just as much as she was trying to convince Rob.

"Eddie was your first relationship?" Rob started putting together the pieces, Janet was in her late twenties, she and Eddie only dated for months not years.

"Uh... yeah..." Blood rose in Janet's cheeks, embarrassment coursing through her body. Her inexperience was always going to come back and haunt her, she thought bitterly.

"Why, I mean...how..." Rob could not hide the surprise in his eyes. Why was a question that Janet had spent a year trying to figure out, She thought about her life over and over trying to figure out where it all went wrong. She thought so hard and for so long that her brain would hurt and slowly she started to put it all together. She inhaled softly, decided if she was going to tell Rob, did she trust him enough but then she realized that he may be the only person who would ever really understand because he had lived through it too.

"When my parents died, I kinda shut down, I was fifteen and my whole life just imploded. I was angry and sad and lost. So I built these huge insurmountable walls around myself, holding up in my own space. Not letting anyone or anything in. Keeping out the bad but the good too. And for a while it worked, I watched all my friends get their hearts broken… time and time again and I thought I was superior somehow, that I knew something they didn't. But I was wrong, so very wrong but I was also stubborn. I watched them find love, get married have babies and I realized I wanted the same thing but so many years had passed and it felt too late somehow and then when I had resided myself to what was…Eddie came along… Eddie kinda turned everything on its head. despite all my best efforts, my walls were busted and I got my heart shattered and so did he… but I wouldn't trade it for the world. Cause for the first time in my life I knew what living was really about. You know, its about the people you love, the people that love you, and even the loss. The bitter and the sweet." Rob looked at her knowingly, he knew exactly what she meant, he had out up wall of his own and he saw Annie doing the same thing. Janet reached out, taking his hand in hers before she spoke again "I like you too Rob, more then I should considering the short time I have known you..." They laughed as she repeated his exact sentence. "Let's just enjoy this Ok."

"Janet, I know this is going to sound crazy but I feel like I was suppose to meet you."

"I feel it too, so no it does not sound crazy at all." Rob leaned into her, wrapping his arms around her waist pulling her body to his. He smiled softly, whispering her name before his lips touched hers. Their kiss was filled with the promise of something new, something hopeful. Such a stark contrast to the kiss Janet had shared with Eddie on his porch the night before. Janet gave herself over to the possibility of a future with Rob as her heart finally let Eddie go.

"Still hungry?" Rob asked with a grin on his face, Janet nodded. He rose from the sofa a pulled her up. "Well lets go then, what are you in the mood for?" Janet scrunched up her face in thought.

"Do you like Chinese? There is a place off Jefferson."

"Chinese sounds good to me."


	10. Chapter 10

"Janet!" Hannah called out from her booth at Izzy's, the Ridge's best and only Chinese restaurant. Janet froze at the sound of her name, relaxing only when she realized that it was Hannah, only to panic again when she saw that Nick was with her. Hannah waved Janet and Rob over, hearing so much about him but never seeing him in the flesh. Thrilled that Janet had finally moved on from Eddie. After the disaster that was her wedding to Ray, Janet was the light for Hannah. Keeping her grounded, moving forward. It was Janet that told her she was doing the right thing. It was Janet who made he come clean about Sam's shady paternity and the relief that finally came when the results came back in Nick's favor. Janet was the reason that she and Nick were sitting together, holding hands, drinking Chinese tea, happy together.

"Hey Hannah. Hi Nick." Janet said unable to look him in the eye.

"Hi Janet." Nick stood up, shaking Rob's hand. "How have you been Rob?"

"Its good to see you again Nick." Rob smiled broadly, warmly. Despite how much he wanted to Nick couldn't hate him.

"Why don't you guys join us, we haven't even ordered yet?" Nick asked sincerely. Hannah was so relived that he was the one who asked, he got how important Janet was to her.

"That would be nice." Rob answered after he and Janet shared a look, she gave him the ok. The slid into the booth opposite Nick and Hannah. Rob put his arm around Janet's shoulder and she leaned into him. This was something she had always wanted. To sit across from her best friend on an even playing field, instead of the third wheel. It was something that was never possible when Hannah was with Ray and Janet was with Eddie.

"So Rob tell me about your self, as Janet's nosy best friend I have a million questions."

"Really Hannah a million questions. You can ask him five over the course of this meal… I would chose them wisely." Rob and Nick laughed and Hannah pouted.

"Nicely done Janet, you rendered her speechless." Nick joked, holding Hannah tighter, Maybe this would be so bad after all. They ordered their food and drinks. There was a moment where Janet felt like the was out of her body hovering over the room, just watching. The conversation was easy, light. Nick talked about New York and writing the book, Rob talked about work and Annie, Hannah about Sam and the crazy pets at the vets office, Janet talked about the bar and some of the best drunk patron stories she had. It was so simple, the dynamic and it was something so foreign to Janet. The check came and Rob insisted on paying, Nick finally agreed, but only if he could get the check next time.

"We were going to head over to Sully's for a drink. Emily is working tonight so Owen and Allison were going to meet us. Do you guys want to come with?" Hannah asked not thinking that Eddie might be there too.

"Uh, I don't know. I mean is Eddie going to be there?" Rob internally cringed at the sound of his name.

"He might be, I mean it's Sully's Janet." Silence fell over the table, as Janet tried to decide what to do.

"Hannah is night, Janet." Nick finally said "I mean, he is always going to be around. You cant really avoid Sully's. Rob you planning on sticking around?" Nick asked sizing him up.

"That I do Nick. I think Nick is right Janet, but I will leave it up to you." Janet looked at her watch it was a little after eight, chances are Eddie and Phil were back at Gelson watching TV.

"Ok, lets go."

Eddie was perched at the bar, four empty shot glassed lined up in front of him. Three beers that were sent his way from various women were turned away. He hadn't gotten any sleep, just lying it bed looking off into nowhere. Running Janet's bracelet through his calloused fingers. All night unable to shake that feeling that still lingered from his dream. The loss , the dread, the fear. Eddie was the kind of guy who liked to be in control of all situations at all times and for the first time in a very long time he didn't. There was nothing he could do, but wait and hope and fight to get Janet back. He had spent he day with Phil, in front of the TV but the Sunday felt so long and Eddie unable to take the confinement a second longer. Wondering how Phil was able to stand the four walls at Gelson, day after day, year after year. He made his way to Sully's the only place he really had left. He could count on Sully's to boost his ego, he knew drinks would be sent his way, that he could manage his way through some idle chatter, while he waited for Ikey or Owen to pop in like they always did. He settled in for the night, but somehow he didn't get the boost that he was craving, the place was mostly empty. As he looked around he realized that Sully's had two kinds of people there on a Sunday night. The kids from the Duf that lived that life of the never ending weekend and the sad old timers like Sneaky Pete trying to drink their past mistakes away. Eddie because acutely aware which way he was headed and it was not towards the twenty two year old co-eds. It was only after his fourth shot that he was able to numb the reality of that fact.

"Hey there Buddy!" Owen called out patting Eddie on the should a little harder then necessary.

"Hey Big O! Allison" Eddie nodded in her direction. Eddie gave Owen credit, being able to forgive her after her affair with Ikey. What Allison had done was far and away worse then Janet's drunk one night stand with Rooster and here they were stronger then they were before. And Eddie knew the reason why. It was because Owen was the better man, the bigger man. He didn't allow his pride and ego, his fear of what people thought of him cloud his love for Allison. He made her the priority, their relationship the most important thing. It was not easy but who said loving someone was suppose to be. "What brings you guys into Sully's tonight?"

"We are meeting Nicky and Hannah for a drink." Eddie nodded as he took a sip from his long neck. "they should be here in a few, you should come and knock a few back with us." Eddie watched as the doors to the bar opened and Nick and Hannah walked in. He couldn't help but notice the look on Nick's face when he saw him and then it all became clear when Janet and Rob came walking in after them.

"Awkward…" Eddie said as he turned back around on his bar stool and flagged down Sully for another shot.

"Eddie, I didn't…"

"It's cool Owen, go Join your friends. I am fine right where I am." Allison placed her hand on his shoulder giving it a light squeeze.

"Come on Owen, See you later Eddie."

Eddie's body tightened as he drank his shot, Sully's watchful eye on him.

"Eddie…"

"I know, Sully I know…"

"Hey Eddie."

"Hey Nick."

"What can I get you Garrett?"

" Three Paul Revere's, a pinot, a Amstel and a Stella." Eddie knew the Stella was for Janet, it was her favorite. Sully nodded and got busy making the drinks.

"So…"

"It's fine Nick, really. Janet has a new boyfriend, you are dating Hannah. I get it. I don't like it but I get it."

Eddie glanced back, and saw Janet talking to Emily and Hannah. He could see the nervous look on her face, everyone looked uncomfortable. He knew he should just leave an make it easier on everyone one but he couldn't bring himself to do it.

"Hey Nick could you give Eddie and me a minute. I will bring the drinks over." Eddie glanced nervously at Eddie who just nodded his head giving Nick the ok to leave. "How you doing Eddie?" Rob asked, with out a trace of arrogance.

"I have been better Rob, I am not gonna lie." Rob was taken aback by his candor. "I mean you are dating my girl, so…"

"Eddie, with all due respect she is not your girl anymore."

"Rob with all due respect, Janet is always going to be my girl. Just like Angela is always going to be yours." Eddie added for good measure hoping to end the tense conversation.

"Eddie if you loved Janet half as much as I loved Angela none of us would be here right now." His words hit Eddie right where it hurt and he had no response. Sully placed the tray of drinks down on the bar, Rob leaned in to grab them. "I get this sucks Eddie, I like you. I think you are a good guy, who made a huge mistake. But my concern is Janet, I want her to be happy. So let me."

"Rob, you're a good guy too. But Janet is the love of my life, and I am hers. You are just the guy that she needs right now. I am the guy she needs forever. So I will let you make her happy for now… But not forever." Eddie stood up from the bar, patter Rob on the shoulder and walked away. Nodding to Janet as he made it out the doors.


	11. Chapter 11

Hannah was a ball of nerves and anxiety; a strange mix of fear and extreme happiness. The day she had been waiting over a decade for had finally arrived. FINALLY! After all the years of wasted time, lies, fights, regrets and tears she and Nick were finally getting married. It had been well over a year since her wedding to Ray imploded. Hannah thought back to the day somberly, the frantic aftermath, Ray's unrelenting anger, her mothers clear and apparent disappointment. But all Hannah really felt that day was relief, an over whelming sense of freedom. She had a lot of regrets but choosing to run away that day was not one of them. She did wish that she would have saved the experience for Nick. Wishing that she wouldn't have allowed herself to get into a white wedding dress, pin on her veil and almost walk down the aisle with Ray at the end of it, leaving carnage and pain in her path. If she had only been stronger, true to herself, true to her heart, her soul so much pain and drama could have been avoided.

After much thought, discussion and advice she and Nick had decided on a downscaled affair, not wanting a re-dux of her would be wedding to Ray. They booked a room at the Johnson Inn, invited only the people that really mattered. She decided against the poofy white wedding dress, opting for a more rock and roll vibe, with her off white fitted, column dress, adorned with small pearl colored sequence, black satin sash and a birdcage veil. Janet would be her only bridesmaid and Eddie and Sam would stand up for Nick. The word of the day was easy.

She stared at herself in the full length mirror, pulling at the stretchy fabric of her dress, wondering if anyone could tell she was pregnant. Hoping like hell they wouldn't. She and Nick wanted to wait until she was out of the first trimester before alerting the ridge media. Not even Janet knew, but Hannah had always been good at keeping her secrets. Nick watched her from across the room, sensing her inner conflict he walked up behind her, wrapping his arms around her, resting his palms on the slight bump of her belly. Hannah leaned back into him, and let out a small sigh, grateful that his touch broke her out of the thoughts of past mistakes.

"Just relax Hannah Jane. We are going to have a great time tonight. All of our friends will be there, good food, great music..." He kissed the side of her head, before he turned to put on his suit jacket.

"Yeah but my parents..." Hannah reached up and straightened his black silk tie. Nick laughed, it amused him how Hannah's parents could rattle her.

"Your parents will be fine... your mom will get over it... she has no choice really...relax..."

"You relax, I cant relax..." Nick turned and locked their bedroom door, grateful that Sam was downstairs with Eddie playing Madden, a smile on his face, peeling off his jacket. "What are you doing?"

"Relaxing..."

* * *

Rob dropped Annie off at his parents for the night, pouting the entire time, she wanted to go to the party too, hang out with Sam and the other kids. But Rob knew the wedding was going to be an all nighter and didn't want to have to rush back. The trio had not navigated the group overnight at Janet's place, despite how much time they were spending together. Over the past few months Rob and Janet had slowly but seamlessly merged themselves in to each others lives. Annie took to Janet, despite some early anxiety and fear. Annie wanted to dislike her. For the first few weeks she actively tried to, missing her mother, resenting the fact that Janet was there simply because her mother couldn't be. But despite all of that, over time Annie and Janet clicked in a way that couldn't be explained. Janet felt a connection to her, a kindred spirit. They were unified by a similar tragedy, and had an immediate understanding of each other in a way that was a mystery even to Rob who watched them so intently. They had become so close that there were times he felt like the interloper, trying to crack the code that had become Janet and Annie. Janet put Annie at ease, she didn't try to hard, didn't make Annie feel like a animal at the petting zoo, like everyone else ( her dad, her grandparents, her teachers even some of her friends). Janet was even picking her up from school on Tuesdays when Rob had his weekly late night meeting. The pair would hang out, go shopping, talk about TV shows and makeup. It was easy.

Rob fit in just as well into Janet's life and group of friends. A few dinners here, a baseball game, a few all nighters at Sully's, he and Hannah had even planned Janet's 30th birthday party together with much success. Despite their loyalty to Eddie, and his self inflected exclusion when ever Rob was involved, Nick and Owen couldn't help but like Rob. All that really mattered was that he was a great guy and he cared about Janet.

Rob walked into her front door, using the key she had given him, no longer feeling the need to knock first calling out Janet's name. He had been so busy at work, he had not seen her all week and he was going crazy with anticipation. She appeared in the doorway in a dress he had never seen before. It was something entirely different for Janet, Hannah insisted that this was the dress she wanted her maid of honor to wear, pulling bridezilla rank. It was a deep purple, almost black, chiffon skirt that matched the vibe Hannah wanted, it had one shoulder and it hit her right above her knee. Her hair was down, in full curls hanging down her back and her blue eyes were lined in black and smoky grey, a pale glossy lip on an her otherwise bare face. He entire effect took Rob by surprise.

"Janet wow, you look..." He paused searching for the right word "Sexy..." He I mask the surprise in his voice and Janet was slightly annoyed.

"Well you don't have to sound so shocked babe. Thanks."

"Uh, I didn't mean it like that… Its just I am used you looking all innocent and sweet. This is quite the departure is all." Insecurity started to bubble up in Janet, maybe it was too much, as she cursed Hannah for choosing something so sexy.

"I told Hannah it was too much and that I would be able to pull it off."

"NO! You pull it off. You look fantastic. I just have no idea how I am going to get thru this night and not rip that dress off of you." Janet blushed under his gaze, after a week with out him she was wondering the same thing herself.

"Rob, stop looking at me like that. Seriously. We have to go." He took a few steps closer to her "Rob I mean it, it took me forty minutes to do my hair and makeup..."

"Forty minutes, its a shame that its only going to take me forty seconds to mess it up then."


	12. Chapter 12

"Janet, where have you been!" Hannah Jane squealed out when Janet finally made her way through the doors of the Johnson Inn. Hannah could relax now that Janet was there, she could run interference between her parents and everyone else in attendance.

"Sorry Hannah It was my fault, I had uh car trouble." Rob interjected with a slight smirk on his face.

"Yeah, like I believe that... car trouble..." Janet handed Hannah her bouquet and rested a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

"We had a little car trouble ourselves." Nick said suggestively. Hannah turned and slapped Nick in the shoulder. "What we did!"

"So not the point right now Nick. So not the point. Go find Sam and Eddie before you say something stupid and I change my mind." Janet's belly tightened at the sound of Eddies name. Over the last few months they had tried to teeter on the edge of friendship, keeping their conversations short and light. Inching back to who they were before they started dating, all the while Eddie waiting for Janet to come to her senses. But like all things with Janet and Eddie, it didn't go smoothly. Weeks has passed with not so much as a word between them, what started as an innocent discussion about baseball ended in a subversive argument about their fledgling relationship. Knowing deep down the fight was about so much more, everything implied but not said. Eddie stormed off frustrated, and they hadn't spoken since, an invisible wall was erected between them. Neither one wanting to bend for fear they might break.

"Ok Babe, I am going to grab a seat. I will see you on the other side." Rob grabbed Janet gently and planted a soft hiss on her cheek, careful not to mess her make up again.

* * *

Eddie stood next to Nick and Sam, at the end of the aisle, as the music began to play. They opted for something different and Hannah walked down to the band playing a soft instrumental version Wonderwall, a song close to both of their hearts, imbedded in their history. Janet was the first to step out on to the aisle and the second Eddie saw her and his heart stopped dead in his chest. It wasn't the dress, or the makeup. It was Janet, her smile, the sheer joy that she radiated, the light that only she could shine. He resigned himself, enough was enough. Tonight was the night that he was going to win Janet back.

Janet and Allison stood at the other end of the bar, ordering a drink and laughing. Janet was just on the edge of drunk, when she was at her most fun. Light and bubbly, her laugh filled the space that surrounded him. She looked up and saw his eyes were fixed on her, it pissed her off how just one look from him could make the butterflies in her stomach dance an Irish jig. She wasn't sure if it was the power of the dress or the four drinks she had already consumed but she found herself walking over to Eddie. A look of shock taking over his face.

"Hey Eddie, Ikey."

"Janet you look HOT!" Ikey grumbled, drunk. On his fourth beer and third shot of the night, bitterly watching Darcy, (His Janet Meadows, His Hannah Jane Daniels, His Pizza Girl) dancing with some guy. Eddie shook his head and gave Ikey a look of death. "What she does..."

"Uh, thanks Ikey." Janet managed to squeak out embarrassed.

"So..." Eddie said trying to break the silence.

"So... I just wanted to say hi... and I did. So you guys have a nice night... or whatever." Janet turned to walk away.

"Janet!" He grabbed her hand, as his eyes scanned the room looking to see if anyone was watching them. "Come with me." Stunned Janet allowed herself to be dragged around the outskirts of the room into the stairwell that lead to the upstairs offices.

"Eddie, Jesus what are you doing." He pressed her body against the concrete wall, and a feeling of anticipation filled Janet's entire being.

"What I should have done forever ago." She opened her mouth to protest, be her words were stifled when his lips pressed into hers. His arms wrapped around her and Janet couldn't stop him even if she wanted to. She didn't. She reached up and wrapped her finger in his hair, pulling him closer. Eddie pulled away from her, his face just a breath away from hers.

"Janet I have tried, I really have. But I can't and I wont live without you. Not for another second." He kissed her softly and then looked at her intently trying to read her face. Her mind was racing, a toxic mix of her whiskey sours and Eddie's kisses rendered her speechless. All she could go on was what she was feeling, in her heart not hear head. She stood on her tip toes, and pressed her lips to Eddie's again, wanting to feel his mouth on hers, wanting to be close to him. realizing how much she had missed everything about him. Despite the strength of her feelings for Eddie, Rob's face flashed in her head, his image wielding just as much power as she pulled away.

"Eddie, I cant, we can do this. I am with Rob, he is my boyfriend."

"But you love me Janet."

"Yes Eddie I do." She spoke with out thinking, unable to contain what she had been feeling all along. Eddie smiled broadly.

"Well you finally admit it. Janet, you need to break up with him."

"Eddie..."

"Janet, please... When I look at Nick and Hannah and all the time they have wasted... I don't want that to be us..."

"Eddie I cant just break up with him, I care about him, I care about his daughter. We are building something

"Janet you cant, you just cant... fall in love with her...Me and Rob that's a fair fight, but I will lose against Annie. Please Janet. Just tell him the truth."

"I don't even know what the truth is Eddie. Look I am drunk, you have been drinking. Lets talk about this when we are sober."

"No, lets stop talking." He kissed her again, this time with out fear, with out restraint. Janet felt herself letting go, not caring what happened at the other end of what ever this was. No, she could not allow that to happen again. to be this person who acted with out thinking, to be ruled by emotion. That is what got them into this mess to begin with. Finally pulling on an inner strength she didn't have until she met Rob, Janet pushed Eddie away, holding both hands up to his chest keeping him at an arms length. She took a few deep breaths before she was able to speak again.

"Eddie, you made your point OK. I have to think. Ok. Just let me think." Janet straighten her dress and attempted to pull herself together as she walked away from him leaving Eddie alone in the stairwell.


	13. Chapter 13

Janet made her way through the crowd, flustered, angry, pissed actually. At Eddie for pulling this again, every time she felt like she was on solid ground her was there to pull the rug out from under her. She was pissed at herself for even allowing it to happen, just saying hello to him was a mistake, thinking the could be civil. She was pissed that her shoes were pinching her feet, and that Hannah made her wear this stupid dress, she was a general malaise of pissed by the time she reached her empty table. She watched everyone she loved on the dance floor, happy and carefree. Hannah and Nick, Owen and Allison, Rob and Pizza Girl. A stand in for Phil, always making sure that Pizza Girl didn't feel like an extra wheel. Janet smiled watching them, God she was so stupid. Rob was hands down the best person she knew, she loved him, A lot. He made her stronger, happier, better and despite all of that she had just made out with Eddie. Far worse then the kiss Eddie had shared with Rory, the kiss that was the beginning of the end of their relationship. She was horrified by her unjustifiable behavior as tears welled up in her eyes.

Rob caught Janet from the corner of his eye, as he twirled Pizza Girl around. In just a quick glance he could tell something was off. He shouted to Pizza Girl that he would be right back, and pointed in Janet's direction. Rob had plans where Janet was concerned, big plans. They had been together for almost eight months, and in that time he fell for her, hard. He had bought the ring weeks ago with Annie at his side, waiting for the right moment to give it to her. Waiting for the right moment to ask Janet to be his wife. He had thought about tonight, but didn't want to take anything away from Hannah. So the ring was burning a hole in his pocket, waiting for the right moment to present itself. The music changed, to something slow and Rob extended his hand to Janet who quickly took it allowing herself to be lead for the second time. He pulled her close as they swayed to the music.

"What's wrong?" Janet tensed, not able to lie, to keep her feelings hidden.

"We can talk about it later." She couldn't look him in the eye as she spoke, hoping, praying that he would leave it alone until later.

"Lets talk about it now Janet. You look really upset. Did something Happen... Eddie?" Janet finally looked up at him with tears in her eyes.

"Eddie and I kissed tonight. I don't really know how it happened. I was at the bar, we were talking, and then he was dragging me to the stairwell..."

Rob was waiting for Eddie to pull something. Their last conversation left a bad taste in his mouth, Eddie's unwillingness to accept that he and Janet were over. Rob always felt like Eddie was lurking, looking, waiting for a chance to pounce. And he finally found one, Janet was drinking, emotional from the wedding, she looked fantastic with was insecure about it. A rage built um in Rob that he had never felt before.

"That son of a bitch." The tone of his voice shocked Janet, never hearing him so angry before.

"Rob, I am so sorry. I should have stopped it. I just... it just happened so fast... and then I got caught up." Rob just nodded, his body tight with anger. He pulled away from her, Janet felt the literal and figurative distance between them. "Rob please..." She called out as he turned and walk toward the bar, right towards Eddie.

He saw him coming, and from the look on his face it was clear that Rob knew what just happened. Eddie stood from his stool, flexing his neck, waiting to see what was coming next.

"Rob." He said flatly.

"Outside, Eddie." Eddie shrugged, internally surprised. Rob didn't seem much like a fighter.

"If that's how you want it." Janet watched at Eddie followed Rob through the party, not knowing what to do and the finally deciding to find Owen was the best course of action.

"You know Eddie, I have felt bad for you... all this time, because I know better then anyone about loss... about how amazing Janet is... so I have given you some leeway... out of pity..."

"Pity." Eddie said smugly, slightly amused, he had some stones.

"But enough Eddie. You go near her again, you touch her again..."

"What Rob, what are you going to do beat me up...Did she tell you she kissed me back?"

"Yes she did, because Janet is not a liar..."

"No, that is true… but she is a cheater..." Rob couldn't take it another second, as he cocked back his fist and clocked Eddie square in the jaw. Eddie was prepared for the blow, and quickly responded with a punch in kind. For a few seconds it was a tussle of fists and grunts as Owen and Ikey interceded pulling them apart as Janet looked on horrified.

"She loves ME rob, you can't be that stupid or blind..." Eddie yelled out struggling to free himself from Owens grasp.

"You are the one Eddie who is blind... She chose me... SHE KEEPS CHOOSING ME! She could have gone back to you, she didn't. She told me everything, the whole story. You make her feel worthless Eddie, you make her feel scared and insecure. You make her feel less then, and for the life of me I cant figure out why. What makes you so special. From where I am standing you are a HIGH SCHOOL has been who is holding in to the past. I want you to stay AWAY from her..." Eddie opened his mouth to speak but it was Owen who stopped him.

"Eddie you should go." Owen commanded

"I should go?" Eddie asked pissed

"Yes you should, the way I see it you are making a play for Rob's girl, not cool. Not tonight, this is night is about Nick and Hannah. Not the Eddie and Janet sideshow. So if you cant act like a grown man, then you should just go home."

"Wow, ok Owen. I didn't realize that you and Rob were so chummy."

"That has nothing to do with it and you know it...You are not this guy Eddie." Owen turned away from him disgusted. " Ikey, take him home ok. Make sure he STAYS there." Ikey nodded, grabbing Eddie's arm. "Janet take Rob back in side get him cleaned up. I don't want Nick and Hannah to know that this even went down tonight..." Rob put his arm around Janet's waist , and she raised her hand to the blood that was in the corner of his mouth wiping it away with her thumb. An overwhelming sense sadness filled Eddie as he watched them walk away. He willed her to turn around and look at him, a sign that he was still on her mind, disappointment filling his heart when she kept walking further and further away from him.

* * *

Rob stood under the hot stream of Janet's shower, doing his best to relax. He couldn't talk to her on the ride home, he couldn't even look at her. The image of her kissing Eddie burned into his brain. The idea that Janet was an active participant in the kiss, made him sick to his stomach. He knew they were at an impasse, a line was being crossed tonight one way or the other. It would be the beginning or the end, and a chill ran through him. The past months of his life with her had been for lack of a better word, perfect. He felt like they were building a life together, and with one kiss Eddie had the power to undo it all.

Rob appeared in her living room, in his sweats and Harvard tee shirt, arms crossed against his chest. Janet looked yup at him from the sofa, her blood chilled. She had messed up, again. Destined to make the same mistakes over and over. She didn't deserve him, that she knew. But looking at him now, the love she felt for him was overwhelming. All she wanted was his forgiveness.

"Ok Janet, I have calmed down. Lets talk."

"I don't really know what to say other then I am so very very sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me."

"Janet there is nothing wrong with you, Eddie knew what he was doing. You were in a weakened state. Not that it excuses what happened. Not by a long shot. I need to know Janet right now, once and for all. Is it me or is it Eddie."

"Rob, oh god. It is you. I love you. I need you. I just... he has this power over me, I don't even know why... I don't even know who I am when he is around, I never did. "

"It cant happen again Janet. I cant live my life looking over my shoulder worrying if Eddie is going to swoop in and wield his power over you."

"Either can I." She knew what was coming next, not knowing how she would respond."

"Janet, you can't be around him anymore. I know you talk to him at Sully's and stuff..."

"You want me to quit my job?"

"Well no...yes... I don't know, there is no easy answer. Everything is so connected here... Eddie, your job... Eddie, your friends... hell they are my friends now!" Janet took one look at the pained expression on his face and knew what she had to do.

"Rob, you're right, I need to move on, in so many ways. I will tell Sully on Monday and I will avoid Eddie . I had hoped that we could be friends, like we used to be... but i see now that just is not possible."

"DO you love him Janet?"

"Yes, I do... I am not going to lie and tell you I don't, just like you couldn't lie and tell me you didn't still love Angela. Some part of me is always going to love him. But I am in love with you Rob, I have been for a while now...You and Annie are my family."

"And you are mine." Rob exhaled loudly, releasing some of the tension he was holding on to. "Janet come here." Rob opened his arms to her and she slid into him, her head on his shoulder, her legs over his. "Ok, we just move forward. Deal?"

She looked up at him, grateful for his forgiveness, humbled by how quickly it came. "Deal."


	14. Chapter 14

Rob couldn't understand why Janet felt the need to tell him in person, to tell him at all. As far as he was concerned Eddie could find out thru the ridge rumor mill. After all the drama and demission he had caused he didn't deserve Janet's consideration. But Janet stood her ground, carefully explaining all the reasons Eddie needed to hear it directly from her, she needed to explain to him after all that had happened between them; he deserved at least that. Rob was angry, but deep down he knew Janet was right, he just didn't want to admit it.

"Look, I am going to run over there get it out of the way and then I will me you and everyone at the Johnson in for brunch. Make sure Annie wears that pink dress ok." Rob looked at her, his eyes pleading "Please just trust me on this ok." He wrapped her arms around his neck, a small smile on her face before she kissed him.

"Ok, Janet. Ok." He whispered before he kissed her again.

Janet pulled up to Gelson, not really sure what she was going to say. But when Eddie opened the door, it all became very clear. She was going to lay it out, simply and quickly.

"Uh, Hey there." Eddies mind went blank, Janet was the last person he expected to see on his doorstep looking so bright and fresh early on Sunday morning.

"Hey..."

"Uh, Pizza Girl she just left, she and Phil got in to a fight. Were you suppose to pick her up?"

Well yes but.. I uh... I came here to talk to you too." For a moment, Eddie felt a twinge of hope that Janet was there telling him she wanted him back. But the glimmer of hope was quickly thwarted when he saw the glimmer of a huge engagement ring, (that was probably the equivalent of his life savings) on her finger.

"Does this talk have to do with that." He said pointing at the ring. Eddie felt as though a batter ram just pounded him in the gut. He wanted to puke. Janet just nodded, unable to look at Eddie face "So you got engaged."

"Uh Eddie, I got married...on Friday." Janet forced herself to look into Eddies eyes as she spoke, watching the pain register on his face.

Janet was over a week late, knowing in her bones that she was pregnant. She smiled from ear to ear as she ran to the drug store to buy a test, while Rob slept. She had been living with Rob and Annie in the Flats for months, decided to keep her place until the market picked up, eventually renting it out to Pizza Girl. She and Phil were at a crossroads, his unwillingness to leave the house and Pizza Girl's need to move forward in her life, caused ripples and wave for the usually calm couple. Janet felt like she was floating on air, she and Rob had talked about a baby in the abstract, they had talked about getting married too but Rob still had not asked. He had tucked the ring away after the Eddie incident, waiting for what he didn't know.

"Where did you run off to so early this morning." Rob asked standing at the counter pouring her some coffee.

"Uh I might not be able to drink that!"

"What why?" Janet pulled the test out of the bag and watched as Robs eyes lit up.

"Janet really?" She nodded furiously as she ran into the bathroom. "Janet WAIT!" She stopped dead in her tracks. "Don't move stand right there OK."

Janet stood there perplexed as Rob ran up the stairs, returning a few minutes later with a sleepy Annie and a small black box in hand. Janet's heart leapt out of her chest, and everything felt like slow motion as Rob got down on one knee.

"Janet... I have had this for a while now. Waiting for the right moment... This is the right moment. I love you... you have given me something I never thought I would have again. Something I never though we would have again." He looked at Annie who quickly got down on one knee beside her father. " Janet will you marry me?"

"US!" Annie shouted out correcting her father.

"Us, Janet will you marry us?"

"You got married... wow... I was not expecting that..."

"Yeah, it was a justice of the peace thing, just me and Rob and Annie…"

"Why the rush?" It was a stupid question, in his bones Eddie knew why. He just needed t hear her say it. The final nail in the coffin.

"Eddie, I am having a baby. Rob and I are having a baby..." Eddies heart broke, he could no longer hold on to the fantasy that he and Janet were going to find there way back to each other. "I wanted you to hear it from me, not from Phil or Ikey."

"Well I... appreciate that... I uh... really am at a lack for words Janet..." The dream he had so many months ago flashed in his brain, now it felt like a warning. He realized that Janet was lost to him a long time ago, he just didn't want to admit it. Holding on to the past was easier then thinking about a future without her and now he had no choice.

"Look Eddie, Hannah is due any day... you and I are going to be god parents to this child, we are going to be in each other lives. These past six months avoiding one another, its has been good for no one. I am here trying to extend a branch... we need to get past the past..."

"You're right... I get it now Janet I really get it... Its been over two years..." His voice trailed off, and he got lost in thought. Janet just stood there watching him work everything out in his head. "If I would have known that morning was going to be the last time I would kiss you with out pain or sadness... I would have paid closer attention..."

"Yeah... me too Eddie...me too." Janet extended her hand to him "Friends?" He took her hand in his.

"Yeah, friends."

"Good! Get your coat."

"What why?"

"You are coming to brunch."

"Janet I don't brunch, real men don't brunch..."

"Tell that to Owen and Nick. Come on get your coat."

- END OF PART ONE -

I know guys, I know. Don't hate me... but I had to do it... but fret not... Part Two is coming...


	15. Finding Janet Meadows Chapter 1

The house was decorated to the hilt. Pink and white streamers were twisted and hung, clusters of coordinating balloons were tied in grape like clusters to anything that stood still. There was a cotton candy machine, spinning puffs of pink sugary air and a huge princess bounce castle, Annie and Sam were already making good use of. Their combined laugher filled the warm September air as Janet looked on with a contented smile, the calm before the storm was her passing thought. In an hour her house was going to be taken over by forty adults and children. Emerson Caroline Garrett was turning two, and Janet was making sure that her god-daughter had the best birthday party possible.

Two years, the time had gone by in a flash and so much had happened, not only in her life but in the lives of her friends. After their elopement, Janet moved in to Rob's house in the flats, renting her small cottage to Duf students in need. At first it was a tough adjustment, Angela's touch was everywhere, but over time Janet was able to make the place her own. Annie loved having a mother again, someone to always been there, picking her up from school, making costumes for the school play, going to her Girls Scout meetings. She also loved have a baby brother. Ryan Robert was born five weeks early, giving every one a scare, but to look at him now, eighteen months old a huge chubby boy you would never known he was five pounds at birth. Hannah and Nick were married and living at what used to be know as the Daniels place. Sam was fourteen and had just started his freshman year in high school, Emerson was about to be a big sister, Hannah was five months along with a baby boy on the way. Nick had lost his father after a long battle with cancer, and was still adjusting to life with out his dad in it. It was the Hardest on Ronnie, who decided he needed some time away from the Ridge and followed Aubrey to Berkley for graduates school. Phil had finally left the house, after Emily gave him an ultimatum. She wanted a life, one that included him and life outdoors. It took some time but Phil took baby steps and was able to move past his fears. They were newly engaged and living in Boston, where Phil had gone back to school, to get his much delayed degree in architecture. When he was done he planned to come back to the Ridge and partner up with Best Friend Windows which would one day be Best Friend Windows and Custom Homes. Owen and Allison were going strong, all the demons of the affair long put to rest. Allison went back to work, needing a new focus with Connor and Caitlin in school full time. Ikey finally asked out Darcy and it was a total bust, he was still alone, living in Phil's old room at Gelson trying to figure it all out. And Eddie was still, Eddie. The two years had flown for him, watching his friends move on with there lives while he just felt stuck.

Eddie watched her, Ryan on her hip his small curly brown head rested on her shoulder watching the bigger kids play in the yard. Eddie couldn't help but smile, the expression on Janet's face, she looked happy, contented, peaceful. Motherhood brought a whole new level to Janet's appeal, watching her with Annie and then Ryan at first was difficult for him. Thinking about the life and family they could have, should of had together. Over time he saw the change in Janet, the insecurities she had seemed to disappear, she was no longer afraid to be herself, no longer look for approval or acceptance. She finally came into her own, it was as though she was born to be a mother and a wife.

It never went away, the love he felt for her. It was always there lingering, waiting to slap him in the face (usually at the worst moments). He had dated, here and there, but his one night stands were happening less and less but he still count find anyone worth settling down for. He and Rob had inched their way to friendship, it took time and lots of beer, but it made things like birthday parties and holidays easier for everyone. Especially Janet.

"Hey there Janet. Where do you want these?" Eddie was carrying a few cases of beer. Janet pointed to the coolers on the deck.

"Hey you, thanks for picking those up. I cant believe I forgot to get beer. Hello former bartender..." Janet watched as Eddie walked away, despite her happy marriage and her love for Rob, she still had a pang anytime she and Eddie were together. It never went away, and in a way she didn't want it too.

"Don't be so hard on your self Jem, you can't remember everything." He had slipped again, calling her by his nickname, he could help but notice that she blushed an ache growing in his chest. "I brought my check book so tell me what I owe you for OUR god-daughters pink on pink birthday spectacular " Eddie couched down and gave Ryan a little smile. "Hey there Buddy..." Ryan smiled back and gave him a wave, but he was not his usual happy self.. "Is he still not feeling well?

"Yeah, he still has this cold, Rob does too. Eddie about the party...You really don't have to..."

"I am serious Janet... I am not going to argue about this again. If you don't tell me how much I owe you I will just ask Rob."

"Fine, we can talk about it later, I am not really sure how much I spent."

"Well from the looks of it too much, this place looks great!" He could sense her anxiety, wanting things to be perfect.

"It's gonna be fine Janet, just relax and try to enjoy it."

"Yeah you're right. Do me a favor, take Ryan for a minute. I need to go check on the ziti in the oven." Eddie extended his arms to Ryan who reached out and wrapped himself around Eddie.

"Buddy you are getting so big and heavy, He is going to be installing windows before we know it Janet." She smiled watching Eddie interact with her son, Eddie was a natural with kids despite his limited exposure. They gravitated to him like little sticky handed moths to the flame.

"Right, time flies Eddie." She turned and made her way back to the house, her eyes locking with Rob who had been watching them for the door way, his face neutral. He hated to admit that even two years later, it bothered him deep to his core to see them together. There was something about the way they looked at each other, the way that they spoke, the nick names, the jokes. Even despite his friendship with Eddie, and knowing that neither one of them would ever cross the line, it was hard to watch.

"You ok Babe, you look tired." Janet stood on her tip toes a gave him a small kiss, his hand resting in her hip.

"Yeah, didn't get much sleep last night." He pulled her in close, nestling his face in her hair, his body relaxing against her.

"That was your fault not mine..." Janet replied, her voice low and a smile on her face. They had been trying for another baby for months, Janet and Hannah liking the idea of their kids being so close in age. "Why don't you go take a nap, everyone wont be here for another hour or so." Rob had been sick for weeks, along with Annie and Ryan, that with the long hours he was working that came along with his promotion, it was all starting to take its toll.

"I think I will... I cant wait until next weekend. Just you and me and a Bed and breakfast."

"Either can I...Go I will come and get you..."


	16. Finding Janet Meadows Chapter 2

Janet was in the kitchen, icing the final cupcake. It had been a long day of loud music and screaming kids. Owen and Rib hadn't been able to leave their station at the grill, cooking hot dogs and burgers for the starving crowd. She smiled to herself at the normalcy of her life, something she had always craved and was now so grateful for. She heard the chicken dance off in the distance and was happy she was safe in her kitchen. Eddie stumbled in to the kitchen door, two beers in hand.

"I knew you were hiding in here." He said extending the beer to her, she took it gladly enjoying a nice long sip.

"It is the equivalent to water boarding, what's going on out there." Eddie and Janet both laughed, and he leaned against the counter snatching a cupcake, much to Janet's displeasure. She tried slapping away his hand but he was just to quick.

"These are good Meadows…"

"They should be, it's a box mix. I was going to order a cake, but Hannah insisted on Funfetti cupcakes like she used to have. "

"Well Hannah knows what she is doing." She shoved the remaining half of the cupcake in her mouth and grabbed another. This time Janet caught him by the wrist, surprising him. He thought back to the last time she had touched him, and he couldn't remember.

"Put that down Latekka, now." He smirked and twisted his body away from her so that her front was to his back his arms blocking her as she grabbed at the cupcake in vain. He unwrapped it quickly and shoved the entire thing into his mouth in one huge bite.

"Eddie, come on!" Janet was feigning anger, because when he turned around to gloat, she smashed a fresh cupcake right into his face, smearing the icing down his chin and neck.

"Ohhhh you are going to pay for that one!" He grabbed two cupcakes and chased her around the kitchen, she screamed, but no one could hear her over the music. She was on one side of the kitchen table, panting out of breath, while he was at the other, still covered in frosting and crumbs a huge smile on his face.

"You are getting a little slow in your old age quarterback…"

"Let me tell you, Janet if I wanted to catch you I would." Before Janet could react, he swung around the table grabbing her, holding a cupcake precariously over her head. He was suddenly aware of how close her was holding her, the smile on her face the fire in her blue eyes. They were both frozen for a moment as their laughter died down.

"Ok Eddie, you win. I surrender. I need to get these cupcakes out to the kids… Seriously." Janet was suddenly uncomfortable and then not at the same time. Eddie released her, backing away. He put the cupcakes back on the tray and went to the sink to clean up the sticky mess that was his face.

"When did you go soft Eddie, a few years ago and I would have been covered in icing."

"Yeah well a few years ago, I would have been able to lick it off of you. I had better incentive then." All the blood drained from her face, Eddie couldn't help but notice. "Janet, look I'm sorry that was out of line really."

"Its fine Eddie, really. Its fine. Its was funny actually. Lets get those kids hopped up on more sugar and send them home."


	17. Finding Janet Meadows Chapter 3

Sully's was near empty, the snow storm keeping people in their houses. He was all decorated for Christmas, lights and real tree nestled in the corner, cheerful holiday music played, a stark contrast to the mood of one of its patrons. Janet sat at the bar alone, she couldn't remember the last time she had been there. Weeks, maybe even months. Sully watched her with a keen eye as she drank shot after shot, her eyes bloodshot from tears. It had been years since she worked for him, but their relationship was closer then ever. He spent his holidays with her in the Flats, her children called him Gramps, she came to him for help and advice. He finally knew what it meant to be a father. So when he saw her make her way into the bar, clearly upset and covered in snow he wanted to help and make it better. Sully had asked her what was wrong over and over and all she would say is that she and Rob got into a fight. Sully searched his brain trying to remember another instance where Janet and Rob were fighting and he couldn't think of a single time. They had a solid, loving relationship, you could tell just book watching them together, they were a team. He did his best to comfort her, and tried to cut her off twice to no avail but he had managed to get her to eat some soup and some bread. In the hope to absorb some of the whisky she had been drinking.

Eddie walked in from the cold, a day spent plowing looking to Sully's for a burger and a beer. He saw her curls right away and was taken aback. Janet sitting at Sully's in a storm in the middle of the day. He knew before he saw her face that something was wrong very very wrong. Eddie nodded to Sully, question in his expression. All Sully could do is shrug his shoulders, and shake his head, still not sure himself. Janet felt his presence and turned to him. Of course out of all the people who would wander in to Sully's today, it would be Eddie. She broke out laughing when she saw him, laughter that quickly turned into tears.

"Janet what the hell is going on? Are you OK?" His heart broke, he had never seen her so upset, so unglued. Janet wiped away her tears and squared off her shoulders as she stood from the bar.

"I am fine," She grabbed her shot glass and bottle of whisky off the bar and started to make her way to the booth.

"Like hell you are. Janet...Come on...' He called out to her across the bar.

"Eddie I mean it just leave me be ok..." She slumped into the booth and poured herself a shot. Unable to drink it, her stomach in knots. it sat on the table mocking her.

"Sul, WHAT HAPPENED?"

All she said was that she and Rob got into a fight, didn't say what or why... She drank half that damn bottle. Cursed me out when I tried to take it away. I got her to eat some soup... but what ever happened... its not good."

"Pour me a draft will ya, and put a burger on for me... I am going to go see what goes on..." Eddie grabbed his beer, taking a long much deserved swig before he made his way to Janet's table. He slid into the booth opposite her, not caring if she wanted him there or not. He grabbed the shot glass off the table and drank it, despite her protest and took the bottle off the table, placing it in the booth next to him.

"Ok, Janet spill what happened?"

"Eddie, please just leave me alone right now ok... I just cant right now..."

"Yes you can... this..." He said waving his hand in her direction "Is not you. Where are the kids?"

"They are with Hannah, sleigh riding."

"And why are you here, half in the bag?"

"Rob and I had a fight...its fine..."

"You guys don't fight, so its not fine."


	18. Finding Janet Meadows Chapter 4

Janet Sat in a worn wooden and leather chair next to Rob, in the small cluttered office. Diplomas lined up on the walls, stacks of books cluttered the shelves. As the doctor spoke, Janet felt like the room was spinning. Like she was losing touch with reality, but she tried to hide it as Rob grasped her hand tighter and tighter. The doctor spoke quickly, explaining that the cancer was aggressive and stage four, that Robs age was causing it to accelerate at a rapid pace. It had started as a small lump at the base of his neck, spread to his lymph nodes, his liver and his stomach. Robs reluctance to go to the doctor at all allowed it to go undetected for half a year. Treatment was an option, but it would be brutal, the doctor outlined what he felt was the best course of action but ultimately they were buying months not years. Janet stifled a moan, as tears fell from her cheeks, Rob sat there silent in complete shock.

They had dropped the kids off and Hannah's that morning for a day of sleigh rides and hot chocolate. Janet had lied to Hannah, letting her believe that she and Rob just wanted to spend some time alone together. Never letting her best friend know the endless tests that Rob had been undergoing for weeks. Janet drove home from the doctors, almost grateful for the awful snowy driving conditions that kept her mind focused on the road and not on the knowledge that her thirty three year old husband was dying. He hadn't spoken a word, mind reeling still in shock. He thought is was mono, when the kids got better and he didn't. Janet nagged him day after day to go to the doctor, but he was so busy he didn't want to take the time. By the time Halloween came, it was three months of body aches and exhaustion, by thanksgiving he had gotten on the scale and realized he had lost fifteen pounds. One night in bed, Janet kissed his neck and found the lump. It was only then after her tears and begging that he agreed to go to the doctor, again still thinking it was mono. Foolishly so. A few blood tests and body scans later and his fate was sealed. He was dying, leaving behind his family. Janet would know the pain of losing a spouse, something that had nearly destroyed him, if not for her. Janet had saved him from the unbearable pain and loneliness, she gave him a reason to move on to move forward. Annie would have to endure the loss of losing another parent, while he was grateful that Janet had adopted her, he would not be there for all the moments. All of the things that were important. It wasn't fair when Annie had lost so much already. And Ryan, they would never know each other, Rob would be an image in photos, a character in a story a missing piece to the puzzle.

"We need to talk about this Rob."

"I know we do, but my mind is made up. I don't want to waste time arguing. I don't want the treatment. You heard what the doctor said. If I have such a sort amount of time left, I don't want to waste it being in hospitals, being sick."

"Rob, he talked about a trial too, the treatment could buy you some time... I cant believe you don't even want to try!"

"Janet, I want to spend my time with you and the kids and my parents and my brother and our friends. I don't want to spend it hooked up to IV's, throwing up, being sick. I can manage how I am feeling now, with the meds he gave me and with you by my side. I can manage for as long as I have left."

"Rob, no. I cant accept this, you just giving up."

"You just don't get it, and you don't have to…this is my decision to make!" Janet felt like he had just slapped her across the face, the pain of his words ripping thru her entire body.

"Your decision, wow. fine. I am going to pick up OUR children." Janet stormed out of their house, slamming the door behind her. This was not happening, it couldn't be. After everything that she went thru to find someone like rob only to lose him. It just wasn't fair. She pulled over a few bocks away when the tears in her eyes blurred her vision. She pulled out her phone, wanting to call Rob, wishing there was something she could say to make it all better. Instead she called Hannah.

"Hannah, Hey. Its me, listen.. uh... can the kids spend the night..."

"Of course they can, Janet is everything ok. You sound off..."

"Um, no. Hannah they're not. But I cant talk about it right now…I gotta go."

"Janet you are freaking me out...where are you?"

"Hannah, please just... take care of the kids for me ok..."

"Ok Janet..."

"Bye."

* * *

Janet hung up the phone, needing to go somewhere she felt safe, somewhere she could hide. A smile broke her face just as she pulled into the parking lost at Sully's. She liked the idea that no one really knew where she was, she needed space... she needed a drink.

She stared at Eddie blankly, she felt empty and hollow. She wanted to tell someone, the weeks of keeping it in weighing so heavy on her shoulders. Rob had shut down in the very beginning, not letting her in. It was so unlike him, and now his refusal to even discuss treatment. She felt like an interloper in her own marriage.

"He's dying." Janet finally whispered. Eddie couldn't believe what he was hearing, he felt like the floor dropped out from under him. Despite the fact Rob got the girl, they had become friends. Not that over the years Eddie hadn't daydreamed about him getting eaten by wolves or lost at sea. But this, cancer, so young. Eddie had realized long ago that he and Rob were not so different. Their first love was Angela and their last over was Janet.

"Janet, how... what?"

"Cancer, stage four." Her voice broke and tears fell from her eyes, her emptiness being replaced by fear and sadness one again. "He has months maybe, and he is refusing treatment."

"That's why you fought?" Janet nodded. Eddie reached across the table, grabbing her shaking hands. "Janet I am so sorry, i cant imagine..."

"Yeah, either can I."

"Come on, let me take to Hannah's, you like you are about to pass out."

* * *

"Hey Rob, its Eddie."

"Hey Eddie. Is she ok?" Robs voice was raw, Eddie could tell he had been yelling and maybe even crying.

"Uh, no. She was at Sully's, three sheets. I took her to Hannah's, she is going to sleep it off."

"How are the kids?"

"They are good, Annie and Sam were watching a movie and Ryan was fast asleep."

"Did she tell you."

"Yeah buddy she did. I am so... angry... for you for her... I know we have had our whatever it was, but..."

"Thanks Eddie...I mean it... I will take anger over pity any day..."

"If you need anything, you know anytime, anyplace anything."

"Yeah. I Know. Listen I am here with my parents and my brother, they are taking the news even harder then Janet did so I got to go. Thanks for taking care of her."

"You don't need to take me."

"I guess you were right after all Eddie, I was just Mr. Right Now." Rob let out an awkward chuckle, before hanging up the phone leaving Eddie speechless.


End file.
